Three overplayed songs I love anyway

Between The Sheets by The Isley Brothers

I love the song because it’s so smooth and it’s a nice throwback to a time where you could be “dirty” without being “vulgar”. It’s sensual without being blunt and whooping you upside the head with graphic details as to how you want to make love.

And it doesn’t sound like the woman in question is going to be tossed aside afterwards like a empty bottle of Colt 45.

Jump Around by House Of Pain

This is like the Perfect Storm of a song. The classic sample, the tight lyrics that both fit the vibe, are rough and funny all at the same time. If anything, it’s gotten better as the years go by. Sure some of the terms have become questions (What’s a Sega Genesis?) but it’s become timeless in the fact that everybody stops what they’re doing for minute and start “serving yo’ ass like John McEnroe” for about three minutes.

Jump Around!
Jump Around!
Jump Around!
Jump up!
Jump up and get down!
Jump!
Jump!
Jump!
Everybody Jump!

What’s Going On? by Marvin Gaye

Mother, mother
There’s too many of you crying
Brother, brother, brother
There’s far too many of you dying
You know we’ve got to find a way
To bring some lovin’ here today

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Things that were troubling people back when this song was first released in the early 70s is still relevant almost 40 years later.

Father, father
We don’t need to escalate
You see, war is not the answer
For only love can conquer hate
You know we’ve got to find a way
To bring some lovin’ here today

Like Stevie would say a few years later in almost a companion piece to this classic; Love’s in need of Love today…it was true then, it’s just as true now.

Michael Steele, Doing His Part To Set Back Race Relations One Hip Hop Cliche At A Time

Mike Steele In The Hour of Chaos, Part 1

Meet Michael Steele.

Michael

He is the current Chairman of the National Republican Committee.  He likes to believe that he was selected to lead the Republicans into the 20th century (you read that correctly) because of his popularity and his ability to reach out to all of the minorities that have been historically dissed underrepresented by the Republican Party.  Now, if you know the GOP like I do, you know that this is a crock of hot gobbige.  And Michael Steele is continuing in the grand old tradition of pandering to the lowest common denominator, and only getting to know your audience on as thin a surface as possible.

The Republicans were soundly defeated in their bid to continue their feifdom.  John McCain and Sarah Palin ran a campaign that brought out the worst in the Republican Base (also known as “The Republican Base”), and thinly-veiled racism was kicked in the gut and bodyslammed onto the hard concrete (tm – Slick Rick) for full-fledged, Grand Dragon-style racism.  Old white women were calling President Obama an Arab, young white people were calling him a terrorist and saying that he should be shot, Sarah Palin fanned the flames, and John McCain reconsidered, probably for the first time, the deal he worked out with Satan in exchange for a shot at the Presidency.  But try as they might, they couldn’t convince the general public that America needed 8 more years of the criminally negligent policies and arrogant attitudes that led us into the quagmire that we’re in now.

Sent back to lick their wounds, the Republicans responded in the best way that they know how.  They went to the Black Store and bought their own Articulate Black Man.  This is the same can’t-miss strategy that led to Alan Keyes running against then-Senator Obama for the U.S. Senate from Illinois.  And we see how well that worked out.  We all know how great the Republicans are in handling race relations.  For example, Chip Saltsman, a candidate for the RNC, passed out a CD containing that unifying anthem, “Barack The Magical Negro.”  And it COULDN’T have been offensive, because Black neo-coon neo con Ken Blackwell said that those who were offended were just overly sensitive.  So, armed with this strategy and perspective, how COULD the RNC lose?

Unfortunately, Chip didn’t win.  Michael Steele wound up becoming the head of the Republican Party, a move that really tickled the Republican Base.  Really.  You can tell that they are absolutely overjoyed at having a tool such as Steele lead them back into positions of power.  Armed with this mandate from the base, Steele decides that the Republicans need to make some changes in order to not be rendered extinct by 2012 gain political momentum in the near future.  And the Republicans plan on fixing themselves, and ultimately this country, by doing one of four things:

A)  Evaluate the economic policies of the last 8 years, and see what worked, and discard policies that failed.

B)  Discuss ways to repair the United States’ image across the world, in regards to its treatment of prisoners.

C)  Suggest that Bush, Cheney and Rove be brought up on war crimes for their heinous dismantling of civil liberties.

D)  Look at all of the ways that Barack Obama ignited his base, from the primaries to the general election.  Study these methods, and apply them to a Republican outreach program.

E)  Get more conservative, and give the RNC a hip hop makeover.

For those of you who said “E”, go to the head of the class and pick up your gold star.

That’s right, boys and girls.  The party that brought us Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber/War Correspondent/Future Candidate? and “Drill Baby Drill” feel that the best way to reach out to the youth is to give the Republican Party a hip hop makeover.  Of course, a Republican version of a Hip Hop makeover is about as bad as a Very Special Episode of Family Matters.

Steele has already begun by interjecting already-played out slang into public discourse, by saying that the Stimulus Package written by the Democrats (and championed by President Obama) is nothing but “bling bling” for people who wished to get a piece of the pie.  Not to be outdone, Michele “Let’s Ask The Feds To Investigate The Democrats” Bachmann joined in the act.  After Steele addressed a crowd with the closest that we’ll ever get to a Republican mea culpa:

“We know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad. But we go forward in appreciation of the values that brought us to this point.”

…Bachmann congratulated Steele on his leadership role in the worst hip hop way possible:  “Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man…”  There are just so many things wrong with this, that it’ll take 3,000 pages of blogs to sort it all out.  But we can start with the clumsy attempt at slang, “you be da man.”  That couldn’t sound more racist if it were uttered by Mantan and Sleep ‘N’ Eat.  This is about as hip hop as Vanilla Ice’s “Word to your mother.”

The problem with Steele trying to infuse hip hop into the RNC is that while rappers were vocal in their support of Obama, he DID NOT RUN A HIP HOP CAMPAIGN.  He did not campaign as DA HIP HOP PREZ-O-DINT, and he didn’t offer to have Rev. Run give the invocation at the Inauguration.  True, Obama did get that dirt off his shoulders during the primaries against Hillary Clinton, but that wasn’t the cornerstone of Obama’s campaign or Presidency.  The fact that Steele thinks that injecting a few played out “hip hop” phrases into public discourse will win minorities over to the GOP is insulting to everyone that has an ounce of common sense.  There’s a word for what Steele is trying to do.  It’s called PANDERING.  It’s not substantive, it’s not thought-out, and it’s not intelligent.  The good thing is that everyone outside of the GOP’s circular firing squad sees this shallow attempt at pandering for the epic fail that it is, and no one’s falling for the okee-doke.

If the Republicans keep up on this path, they will be rendered irrelevant in the years to come.  The Republicans will be known as the party of knuckle-dragging, fundamentalist cave-dwellars, led by a puppet put in place to give the appearance of “diversity.”  If this keeps up, and if Steele continues to show slum love to Gov. Jindal of Louisiana, the Republican’s use of hip hop to make over the RNC will be about as effective (and cliche’d) as rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

‘A History Of Violence’ was a bad choice to watch with the Mom-In-Law

It was a bad movie to watch with my mother-in-law. Oh, don’t get me wrong, it was a great flick but I wasn’t expecting too much except some good old American violence.  Bang Bang!

Didn’t even think about there being any sex scenes in the movie at all until…OMG…right there in color, Viggo and Maria going to town, baby! Not once but twice and the second time wasn’t quite as nice!  The look on my mother-in-law’s face was Mastercard PRICELESS.  The look on The Missus face, not so much.

After the movie ended and Moms went home, we had a little talk:


The Missus:  Why didn’t you tell me that there was going to be that kind of sex in the movie?

Me:  I didn’t know!  Didn’t even cross my mind until, HELLO!

The Missus:  It was just so…graphic.

Me:  Um…did it turn you on?  Because, well, we got some stairs and…

The Missus:  Huh?  You!  Men!

Me:  Whut???

The Missus:  Always thinking about sex!

Me:  Well, for the record, I wasn’t thinking about sex when we were watching the movie.  I was totally disgusted by that stuff!  Wanna watch it again?

The Missus:  Perv!  Okay, I’ll be there in a minute, I’m going to change into something more….comfortable.

Me: (switching to bad Barry White voice):  Oh, baby!

Thanks Viggo and Maria.  Bad beginnning, happy ending.  The American Way.

What You Talkin’ About, Willis?

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LL Cool WJ (Ladies Love Cool Willis Jackson)

Today, Willis Goes To Walnut Grove & Gets All Malcolm X Up In That Biotch!

Todd Bridges plays Solomon, a former slave on an episode of LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE.   Solomon gets to Walnut Grove and becomes the first Soul Brother to intergrate the school. 

It’s all good until the teacher asks Solomon a “fun” question and the kid has to go and suck all the joy and bliss out of the room because he keeps it real. 

Yeah, that went over about as well as you would expect the announcement that Dennis Rodman knocked up one of the Bush Twins or a WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? contestant from Whiteville, North Dakota is asked, “who is the leader of Parliment Funkadelic?”

So the teacher tells Pa Ingalls about how ol’ Solomon is bumming everybody out about being a former slave in the 1870s and, well, you know Charles Ingalls hasn’t met a sad situation that he couldn’t flip like a condo in a good economy so he sets out to put a stop to all this “Darkie Depression”. 

Solomon, on the other hand, isn’t about to let Pa blow so much “happy smoke” up his butt that he gets cancer of the rectum.  He takes Pa Ingalls for a little ride on the Dark Side and does something that not even Nellie Oleson could ever do, pump the brakes on his “Keep Smilin'” philosophising and shut him up just once.

NEXT:

Hop Sing gets all Norma Rae and asks Ben Cartwright for a raise:

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…and Ben writes him a check that his ass can’t cash

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The Long Four Years Of President Barry O/Week 5

History In The Making:  The closest that Clarence Thomas has ever been to a black man

History In The Making: The closest that Clarence Thomas has ever been to a black man

You gotta love the awakened sleeping giants that the Republican Party has suddenly become. 

Eight years of napping on the job while the Dick ‘N Dubya Experience tore this country a new one has given them a nice, healthy zest for life that makes the Energizer Bunny look like a slacker.  Just in time to start unloading on the new HNIC black guy in The Big Chair new Democratic President as if he was the one who lied about Weapons Of Mass Destruction, totally let Big Oil pimp out gas pumps like new blonds with boob jobs at The Chicken Ranch and ignore the signs that The Great Depression II-The Empire Strikes Back was coming at us like a runaway Mack truck on Lombard Street in San Francisco. 

Didn’t hear from those dudes or the Democrats much either (more about those dooshes later) for 8 years but now they’re back and this time, it’s personal!  No seriously, it’s personal.  Why else would bitter sore loser former Republican Presidential candidate Grumpy The Dwarf

aka John McCain, starts sweating President Obama over frackin’ helicopters as if Obama put spinner rims and hydraulics on the bitch?

The encounter between the victor and the vanquished came at the end of a “fiscal responsibility summit” at the White House. As a ranking senator, Mr. McCain joined other lawmakers at the opening session, taking a seat in the sixth row in the East Room, where he remained silent and unacknowledged.

Mr. McCain, a stern expression fixed on his face, did not seem to be having a good time. During a smaller breakout session, an account provided by a reporter who was present noted that he “appeared irritable and close to losing his temper at one point.”

At the closing session, though, Mr. Obama called on Mr. McCain to offer any thoughts. Mr. McCain praised Mr. Obama for holding the event, then suggested one priority should be dealing with out-of-control military contracts. Exhibit A was the program to replace the current Marine One helicopters, with costs mushrooming to $11.2 billion from $6.1 billion. The Defense Science Board issued a new study blaming “poor communication” about aircraft requirements between the government and contractors. Lockheed Martin declared Monday that it was “committed to the program’s success” and would meet any conditions imposed by an Obama administration review.

“Your helicopter is now going to cost as much as Air Force One,” Mr. McCain told Mr. Obama. “I don’t think there is any more graphic demonstration of how good ideas have cost taxpayers an enormous amount of money.”

To which the President replied:

“The helicopter I have now seems perfectly adequate to me,” he said to laughter. “Of course, I’ve never had a helicopter before, you know? Maybe I’ve been deprived and I didn’t know it. “But I think it is in example of the procurement process gone amok. And we’re going to have to fix it.”

Which should make Kenan Thompson happy:

Skip to the 4:31 mark in the video.

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Anyway, way to flip that nonsense, Prez.   Nice try McCain, now go sit down and shut up, loser.

Now about those jag-off Democrats.  Hey Dems, you see how the Republicans are all over President Obama?  They are sending the big dogs after him even over sh*t he had no part of.  Y’all had Dubya Bush in the cross-hairs for 8 years.  You sat back on your haunches watching Dick Cheney’s puppet lying and sending Americans off to die behind those lies, ignoring dire situations here at home (hello Katrina), letting Wall Street, the Oil Industry, Major League Baseball, etc…etc…etc… to run buck fu*king wild and YOU DIDN’T EVEN COME AT HIM HALF AS HARD AS JOHN MCCAIN WENT AFTER THE PRESIDENT OVER A GAWD DAMN HELICOPTER!

Last night, I’m watching Nancy Pelosi and that chump couldn’t even get glory hound Joe Biden to stand up and take a bow when the President was giving him props:

and this is the hooker on the point of the Senate Speaker Of The House, second in the United States presidential line of succession?  Please.  Then you see assholes like Jesse Jackson, Jr. out there getting autographs from the President like he’s a fu*king groupie at a Debbie Gibson mall concert.  Je-sus Wept!

Enough about those dickcrusts.  I want them gone when their re-election bids come up.  Y’all didn’t do a damn thing when you got into office and you’re really not doing a damn thing now to take on these Republican “attacks” on your President.  You are out!

About last night, the President delivered his first big speech to Congress.  He rolled in like a superstar (a little late–no comments about CPT, please, thank you).  Man, that dude know how to work a room:

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isaac

Solid!

So The President went out and does what he do.  Hey, you may not like the President but you gotta admit, the man gives great speech.  You better bring your A-game if you’re going to follow that.  The Republicans know this but, unfortunately, they can’t call on The Gipper to bring the pain:

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So they have to resort to their new tactic:

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Conservative Affirmative Action! 

The Governor of Katrinaville (Louisiana), The Hindu Redneck, The Red States Great Brown Hope, The Right-Wing Response to the Obama Express, Piyush aka Bobby “Jingle Jingle Jangle” Jindal got the green light to open up a can on the President’s speech.  Aww, snap!  Bring it Piyush!  Bring the pain, brother!  Show’em how it’s done, baby!  Yee-haw!

Let me tell you a story.

During Katrina, I visited Sheriff Harry Lee, a Democrat and a good friend of mine. When I walked into his makeshift office, I’d never seen him so angry. He was yelling into the phone: “Well, I’m the Sheriff and if you don’t like it you can come and arrest me!” I asked him: “Sheriff, what’s got you so mad?” He told me that he had put out a call for volunteers to come with their boats to rescue people who were trapped on their rooftops by the flood waters. The boats were all lined up ready to go, when some bureaucrat showed up and told them they couldn’t go out on the water unless they had proof of insurance and registration. I told him, “Sheriff, that’s ridiculous.” And before I knew it, he was yelling into the phone: “Congressman Jindal is here, and he says you can come and arrest him too!” Harry just told the boaters to ignore the bureaucrats and go start rescuing people.

Um…that’s it? Never mind the corny ass story, man, you did not use the late Sheriff Harry Lee in a feel good story, did you? The same guy who once told this story:

“If there are some young blacks driving a car late at night in a predominantly white neighborhood, they will be stopped. There’s a pretty good chance they’re up to no good. It’s obvious two young blacks driving a rinky-dink car in a predominantly white neighborhood — I’m not talking about on the main thoroughfare, but if they’re on one of the side streets and they’re cruising around — they’ll be stopped.”

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Nice move, Piyush.  Man, the press is gonna eat you like catfish (oh look, the results are in and guess what?  Epic fail, duuuude) Wow, I don’t know what you were going for but today, the Republicans are getting nostalgic over Sarah Palin. 

Welcome to the Big Leagues, playa. Sucks to be you.

Chubby Poll #1