R. Kelly To Write Memoirs — We Have Exclusive Leaked Excerpts

R&B R. Kelly is preparing to enter into a media realm.  As reported elsewhere, R. Kelly will be preparing to write his memoirs.  In a blockbuster Chubby Afro/Shut’cher Gobbige Mowf EXCLUSIVE, we have acquired leaked first drafts of some of this explosive tome.

R. Kelly (born Robert Sylvester Kelly) begins by telling the world what drew him to the cut-throat, lucrative, and intense business of being an entertainer:

Kelz and his humble beginnings

Very telling.  Very telling.

In this yet-untitled memoir, Kelly also explains the creative process behind his hit R&B opera, “Trapped In The Closet, Parts 1 through Infinity”:

Kelly details the intense creative process behind "Trapped In The Closet"

The piece-de-resistance of the leaked excerpts is next.  Finally free to speak his mind about the child pornography charges that have dogged him for years, Kelly uses his memoir to express exactly how that infamous night went down.  Kelly breaking his silence on this issue is incredible.  Simply incredible:

R. Kelly finally breaks his silence on the charges that he faced.

We expect that this memoir will set the literary world aflame.

Stay tuned, as we may have more exclusive excerpts in the near future.


“This Is Not The America I Grew Up In!!”

It’s the next great Battle Cry of the Stupid Conservative.

Sean Hannity

Glenn Beck
Katy Abrams (circled)

What do all of these people have in common? They, and others like them, have been complaining as loudly as they can that because of Barack Obama’s Presidency and his daring to reform health care, he is transforming America in ways that make them sick. They have all been grabbing open mikes and shrieking into them that “This is not the America I grew up in!” These folks have corrupted legitimate town-hall discussions that the Democratic Party members are trying to sponsor. The very idea of health care reform for people who can’t afford health care is so ghastly, so unimaginable, so downright heinous that it’s just… just… it’s just unamerican, that’s what it is. At least, that’s what the people who utter these sentiments would have you believe.

This post isn’t about the merits of health care, or the pluses and minuses of the Single Payer Option. This post is about hatred. Violent, intense hatred that is bubbling its way to the surface… hatred that is formed in a cauldron of ignorance, boiling into a witches’ brew of potential violence and unrest, being stirred by witches straight out of Shakespearean lore. What is it that have their collective panties in a huge bunch? Is it health care? Is it war? Is it the economy? None of the above, my friends. The thing that has angered up the blood of these people… the thing that has some white people feeling like America is being snatched from them (the irony of them complaining about America being taken from them is so rich that it oughta be poured on pancakes and served with cheese eggs and sausage or bacon… now I’m all hungry… but I digress)… the common denominator that has all of these people showing up at health care rallies carrying GUNS…

…to these rallies… the common denominator is an African-American President of the United States.

These people want us to believe that they’re being good, patriotic citizens who are exercising their rights to free speech. To them, I say “Shet’cher gobbige mowf!” The fact is that I don’t care who you are, or where you’re from, you bring a gun as a SHOW OF FORCE. You bring a gun if you feel SERIOUSLY THREATENED, and not just because a liberal President wants to make sure that an unemployed person won’t go bankrupt because they have to go to the doctor. The person on the right was carrying a sign quoting Thomas Jefferson. The quote is pictured here:

Now, on the surface, a quote from Thomas Jefferson is downright patriotic. But the ominous undertone of this sign is getting everyone’s attention. You see, this quote is very popular among the right-wing militias. It was also on a t-shirt worn by Timothy McVeigh. Some things may be coincidence. This, however, isn’t one of them. A man coming to protest health care sponsored by the President by carrying a gun and a sign with a slogan favored by a domestic terrorist? Sheer coincidence? Right, and I have some oceanfront property in Chicago that I’m willing to unload, cheap.

Back to the original point here, these people are angry that a Black man has gotten way past uppity to the point where he is taking America away from them. These people lament about the America they grew up in… you mean the America with attack dogs and firehoses turned on Black people, Black churches bombed with horrifying regularity, lynchings being as commonplace as church meetings? You mean the America where women were seen at their best when they were barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen? The election of President Obama appears to be the crowning moment of privileged white people’s tenuous grip on America. They want to go back to the days of “Pleasantville” and “Andy Griffith”, and they want ALL of us to believe that America was better then.

Ask Emmit Till about that America. Ask Malcolm X. Ask Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King. Ask the four little girls who were attending church in Alabama. Ask the thousands who became the “Strange Fruit” that Billie Holliday sang about.

What’s that? You CAN’T? Gee, I wonder why. After all, they were just as much a part of “that America” as the images of “Happy Days” and drive-thru diners. The horrors of violence for the sake of keeping the status quo is just about as American as apple pie.

It seems that the election of President Obama has gotten these racists to be bolder about their racism. It began to rear its ugly head during the campaign (there are plenty of videos of Palin/McCain supporters spewing their ugliness in the form of “kill him” and “terrorist”). And as Obama continues to move forward in his Presidency, the cute little whispers by the neo-cons have become all-out rallying cries. They feel that the President isn’t a U.S. citizen. They feel that he is secretly a Muslim… or a practitioner of Liberation Theology. “Their America” now has a Black man as a commander-in-chief, and they are scared. They are angry. And as these rallies (again, HEALTH CARE REFORM rallies) demonstrate just how mad they are. Mad enough to accuse the President of ushering in a terrible wave of socialism. Mad enough to say “Heil Hitler” to a Jewish man who was supporting Israel’s nationalized health care. Mad enough to shout that their country is being taken away.

Mad enough to carry loaded weapons to a health care rally.

Now, when Bush was President, the Left gave him a lot of “Hitler” grief. But I think that the difference between the Left and the Right is that the Right has more elected officials and serious media sponsors to support, promote, and disseminate the dangerous propaganda that’s polluting political discourse. When you have elected officials, people like Lou Dobbs and Sean Hannity, and industry lobbyists all working together to undermine the efforts of the President and paint him as an enemy of the people or some sort of exotic foreign outsider causing trouble, things can only get worse. Very tragically worse.

Just think… with the last administration, people got arrested for wearing ANTI-BUSH T-SHIRTS. Now, you have protesters coming into the picture armed and ready for a fight… even if they have to be the ones that start it.

Mike Steele In The Hour Of Chaos, Part IV — MC Mikey Mike Causing A Hip Hop Storm

Mike Steele Creating A Hip Hop Storm

Mike Steele Creating A Hip Hop Storm

My feelings about hip hop as an art form can be best summed up in Common’s “I Used To Love H.E.R.” I don’t follow it much anymore, except to reminisce on my glory days as a battle rapper and to listen to the classics. I said that to say that once upon a time, hip hop was a revolutionary art form, becoming the voice of the voiceless. As much as the owner of this blog hates this saying at one time, hip hop was Black people’s CNN (as uttered by Chuck D). Now, of course, hip hop is Black people’s BET… and the circular logic behind that statement is too mind-boggling to try to unravel. So, I won’t.

This is about the Chairman of the Republican National Committee, one Michael Steele. It’s also about the Republican Party.

The Republican Party is in jeopardy. During the Presidential campaign, the Republican base revealed itself to be hateful, racist, and supremely ignorant. Did I mention hateful and racist? The Palin/McCain rallies could have easily been Stormfront rallies with all of the lovely sentiments like “TERRORIST” and “KILL HIM” oozing from their orifices. Since then, the Republican Party has been putting forth an image that it is trying to be the party with the big ideas, and the Big Tent Party of Inclusion. This led to the ascension of Michael Steele to the Chairmanship of the RNC. It has also led to great moments in comedy. I’ve commented on his greater moments of hilarity in Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of my series, “Mike Steele In The Hour Of Chaos.” In Part 1, we discovered Mike Steele’s attempt to bring hip hop into the Republican Party. All of this brings us to Mike’s latest adventure, his latest quote, and his latest way of proving that the Republicans just don’t get it.

Mike finally follows up with his threat promise to reach out to the hip hop citizenry that’s dying for a Republican leader to take them to the Promised land. He plans to create a Hip Hop Storm, so that he can apply Republican principles to the urban/suburban settings of hip hop. And just how does Steele plan on creating this Hip Hop Storm? Why, I’ll let his words speak for themselves.

What it’s about right now is your health care, ability for you to run a small business and grow it to a major business. Defining wealth in America. What I like to call creating legacy wealth that is generational. Empowering you to put your kids in schools that actually educate them as opposed to dumb them down to go out and be, you know, not very productive members of society. So, you know, these are important conversations to have. I’ve just been struck by the fact that this president has not addressed those issues in a meaningful way, in the black community especially. So, I’m looking forward to doing that and causing a little hip-hop storm, if you will.

This would be comical if it weren’t so pathetic. Steele is failing because he believes that the only way to address issues in the Black community is to use hip hop. Yeah, because people would’ve never elevated Obama to the Presidency of the United States if it weren’t for the powerful grassroots efforts of hip hop… except that this is utter garbage. Political, or socially-conscious hip hop is so bereft of real voices in the mainstream that Kanye West’s blurb about George Bush not caring about Black people was seen as shocking, daring, and revolutionary in the vein of bombs dropped by Chuck D and Public Enemy. These days, what passes for revolutionary music in hip hop can be summed up with overrated songs like Jadakiss’ “Why” and the like. And don’t get me started on Puff Daddy’s retarded “Vote Or Die” campaign. So, without getting into any more specifics about the emptiness of thought-provoking music in hip hop, it’s safe to say that Hip Hop is far from being the “voice of the people” that it once was. Steele has already demonstrated that his grasp of hip hop is lacking, to say the least, and he has clearly stated that he is about as out of touch with mainstream Black people as most Republicans.

Steele has already proved how terrible he is at grasping the concept of using hip hop, when he was schooled by Stephen Colbert:

Now, he wants to try to “rap” his way into legitimacy, and he actually believes that this is the way to bring the moderates and independents to the Republican Party. If Mike wants to TRULY lead the Republican Party, and not be a mere figurehead kissing the ring of Don Rush Limbaugh, he must actively and repeated condemn the racist garbage spewed forth by the base. He must tell people like Patrick Buchanan, Dick Cheney and Sean Hannity to shut up, especially when they’re stating that Cheney makes a better example of the Republican Party than, say, Colin Powell. The silence from his ranks when Republicans are being bolder and bolder about their racism is deafening, and it is obvious that his attempts to bring minorities to the fold is mere lip service. For example, where was Steele when California Councilman Gary Frago sent racist e-mails to his staff and community members? (By the way, you can click on the link to see other examples of racism from the GOP, including the one with the President being depicted in picture as nothing but a pair of eyes in an all-black background)

There are some moderate Republicans, like Sophia Nelson, a Black woman who is Republican and conservative. However, she has gone on record condemning the racism from the Right, but her voice is marginalized while people like Ann Coulter, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, etc ad nauseum. The voice of reason from the Right is now the fringe, and the hateful, racist, evangelical, hypocritical, holier-than-thou Palin-loving and Reagan-worshipping “fringe” is now considered “the base.” And who in their right mind would join a party where its de facto leader (Boss Limbaugh) says that he not only wants the President of the U.S. to fail, but that the only reason that one of the highest-profile African American Republicans voted for Obama was because he (Colin Powell) and Obama are both Black? Instead of trying to play Black people for fools, Steele should be asserting himself as the leader of the RNC, and demonstrating the ability to be (or at least recruit) a real voice of reason to speak for the GOP. Steele may speak in front of the NAACP, but he undermines what little credibility he has when he says that he’ll bring more Black people to the GOP by ladling out scoops of potato salad and handing out fried chicken.

Michael Steele is clearly demonstrating that he can’t even create a cloudy day, let alone a storm. He’s too busy being tossed aside by the storms of his own ineptitude as a leader and as a figurehead for real powerbrokers in his party, who probably long for (as Archie Bunker once put it) the “carefree days of slavery.”

The Republican National Committee Announces Its Candidate For 2012

In a surprise move, the Republican National Committee has selected its candidate for the 2012 Presidential Race. Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, made the announcement at the Fox News-sponsored “Socialist Obama Must Be Stopped” rally in Savannah, Georgia. The rally, which had participants numbering in the dozens, included key Republican figures such as former Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, commentators Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, resident court Glenn Beck, and spokesghoul Ann Coulter.

Mike Steele's Big Announcement

The announcement began after Steele did a stirring rendition of “Dixie”, with Alan Keyes singing back-up. When Steele finished singing, he took to the podium with the news.

“Ladies and gentlemen, great people of the United States! You are all great Americans, and like you, I don’t like where the country is headed. We are on an unmistakable path towards socialism, and the American people were hoodwinked into voting for a celebrity to lead us! I have spoken with the leaders of the the Republican Party, including Boss of all Bosses, Rush Limbaugh, Emperor Dick Cheney, and the Dark Lord of Propaganda, Karl Rove. They have given me permission to agree with them on who best to wrest the control of the government from that Marxist Socialist Communist ni– er… Community Organizer in 2012! We came close with our stirring campaign with Palin/McCain, and all of the real Americans in the real parts of America have spoken. In order to take back control in 2012, we must act now! That’s why we, the Republican Party, the G.O.P., the Grand Old Party, are proud to announce our candidate for the Presidency of the United States. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you, the next President of the United States: Former President RONALD WILSON REAGAN!”

The GOPs Best Hope For 2012

The GOP's Best Hope For 2012

Demonic entity Patrick J. Buchanan released a puff of sulfuric smoke from his acid-encrusted lungs to express glee that the party is finally going to be led by a man of action. “Dead or alive, Ronald Reagan is the greatest president ever, and this country would be wise to select such a great man to take this country back from the hands of a certain uppity individual who still doesn’t know his place.” Sean Hannity requested a napkin and a cigarette in order to compose himself after his apparent excitement. Between sighs of orgasmic bliss, Sean noted that “Ronald Reagan is the single entity that brought down the great red menace of communism, and we know that he’s turning over in his grave. Not because our perverted alchemists are conducting their dark magic to bring Reagan back, but because the same menace that Reagan destroyed overseas is now a threat on our home soil. Obama is a socio-communist Marxist celebrity, and the very idea of Ronald Reagan at the helm makes me… anyone have another cigarette… and another napkin?”

Only Mike Huckabee expressed horror at what the Republican Party was suggesting. “Ladies and gentlemen, do you HEAR yourselves? Ronald Reagan has been dead since 2004! What you’re suggesting doesn’t sit right with me. Look, like you, I feel that the sun rises and sets on St. Ronald of Reagan’s ever-decaying corpse. But we can’t just… bring him back to life, can we? Are we supposed to just go to the Reagan Library and dig him up?”

The crowd began chanting “Dig, Baby Dig!! Dig, Baby, Dig!!”, led by Palin and Steele.

Huckabee, a former governor, interjected by asking about the Constitutional hurdles that a reanimated corpse of Reagan would have to address. “Ladies and gentlemen, Ronald Reagan was a two-term President, and by our Constitution, he can’t be elected again! How are we going to get around that?”

“Eh, that Constitution is nothing but a godd****ed piece of paper. There are ways around it. Trust me,” snarled Cheney. “Rove and my minions are already working on the Patriot Act III with our sleeper agent Nancy Pelosi. Before the President knows what hit him, he’ll be signing into legislation an amendment that allows for multiple-term Presidents, only if they have died previously. It has the appearance of a way to ‘honor’ the efforts of a past President.”

Huckabee continued to express his misgivings about raising a man from the dead for the sake of the Presidency. “I’m sorry, but I have to say it. What you’re suggesting is nothing short of an abomination before man and God. The man is dead. He served his country! Let him rest in peace.”

“Huckabee, your lack of faith is disappointing”, hissed Cheney. “We are the pro-life party. What better way to project the image of protecting the sanctity of life than saying that by bringing back the greatest President in history from the cold clutches of the Grim Reaper? We have been preparing for this moment since Reagan was in office, as samples of his DNA have been stored in a secret facility. Our team of scientists are on standby, and as soon as they receive Reagan’s dessicated corpse, they can do what they do best. We have a litany of black magic incantations from the Necronomicon in case things get a little hairy. If you have a problem with this, well, the Socialist Commie Democrats are always looking for new members.”

“Yeah, you tell ’em, Dark Master Cheney! You tell ’em! We gots this, bawss!!!”, Steele interjected.

Steele closed the rally with a prayer and a softshoe routine.

Mike Steele In The Hour Of Chaos — Part 3: “This Was My Master Plan All Along”

“…thinking of a master plan/

it ain’t nothin’ but sweat inside my hand…”

— The great Rakim, “Paid In Full”

Mikey, Mikey, Mikey.  On the one hand, I want you to stop being such a disaster.  But on the other hand, you stumbling over yourself gives me so much joy that the Surgeon General will deem your failures to be high in cholesterol.  It’s bad enough that your plan to “hip-hopify” the GOP continues to be the source of great comedic material.  It’s bad enough when a pin-striped hoodie-wearing Stephen Colbert schools you, as we can see here:

What makes your epic failure more and more enjoyable?  Why, I’ll let Steele’s own words speak for him:

I’m very introspective about things. I’m a cause-and-effect kind of guy. So if I do something, there’s a reason for it… It may look like a mistake, a gaffe. There is a rationale, there is a logic behind it… I want to see what the landscape looks like. I want to see who yells the loudest. I want to know who says they’re with me but really isn’t.”

“It helps me understand my position on the chess board. It helps me understand, where, you know, the enemy camp is and where those who are inside the tent are …It’s all strategic.”

Yes, dear readers… Steele said that his calling Rush Limbaugh “incendiary” and “ugly” were all part of a master plan.  A master plan that included Steele trying to assert himself as the leader of his party, only to have the de facto leader remind him that he’s a stooge that should be seen and not heard… Pee Wee Herman said it best when he said “I meant to do that!”  The sad thing (and by sad, I mean “ridiculously hilarious”) is that I think that Steele is SERIOUS.  He did all of this to “test the waters” and to see who’s with him and who isn’t.  Oh, one more thing.  He talks about his position on the chess board and understanding where the enemy camp is.  He hasn’t even made it to the chess board.  Or the checkerboard.  At BEST, Steele is one of those little pellets that Pac Man Limbaugh (hey, I like that!) devours in his quest to become a real-life Jabba The Glut.  Steele isn’t even one of those power pellets that make the ghosts turn blue… he’s just one thousands of snacks for the real power brokers in the Republican Party.

This is Steele’s plan for a strategy… try to assert yourself as the leader of your party, because, you know, you were elected to do that.  Call out the venomous hate-mongering bloviations of a hillbilly-heroin addicted waste of protoplasm.  Listen to said protoplasm put you in your place and tell you to dance.  You dance, and kick your heels up in ways that would make Shaolin monks and Rockettes green with envy.  Then, announce that it was ALL PART OF YOUR MASTER PLAN.  Great.  It’s a good thing that you’re not the Commander-In-Chief.  With this sort of strategy, you’d declare war on Iran by bombing Canada and then sending Green Berets and Navy Seals to Haiti… and then tell the dead Canadians and Haitians that it was all part of your master plan to weed out the real terrorists.  It’s a good thing that you’d never even CONSIDER running for President, because it would be a disasterbacle of biblical proportions.  Why, it would be…

** whisper whisper **

Say what now?

** whisper whisper 2012 whisper **

Oh.  He IS open to running for President, but “only if that is where God wants (him) to be at that time.”  Wonderful.

The only thing that a Steele run for the Presidency would do is that it would provide endless amounts of comedy.  The primaries ALONE would be worth it, to watch the wolves tear each other apart (picture Piyush “Bobby Brady” Jindal v. Steele v. Palin in a Coultergeist/Limbaugh/Hannity-moderated debate, if you will…and if such a concentration of hatred doesn’t try to rip your soul apart first).

So there we have it… the next time Steele seems to open feet and insert mouth, don’t think of it as a gaffe or a screw-up.  Think of it as a master stroke of genius, where Steele’s idiotic comment of today becomes the brilliant strategy of tomorrow.  He is planning to stumble, butt-over-teakettle, into the White House… and he’ll do it Hip hop style, yo.

Chuck Norris As Walker, Texas Secessionist

My colleague had already beaten me to the Jim Cramer story, where Cramer was humbled by Jon Stewart. So, while I was looking for other stuff besides the ridiculousness of the What’chu Talkin’ Bout Willis Tower, I found this interesting story.

Chuck Norris, Prepared To Roundhouse Common Sense In The Head

Chuck Norris, Prepared To Roundhouse Common Sense In The Head

Apparently, Walker –er, I mean Chuck, is dissatisfied with the state of the union, and he feels like it’s circling the bowl. Needless to say, part of the reason why it’s doing so is because of 8 years of a barely literate chimp driving the country with all of the accuracy of Ted Kennedy at Chappaquidick. And how does Chuck express his disdain with the country? Why, he uses the logical approach of wanting to become President of a state after it secedes from the Union.  It started off as a tongue-in-cheek interview on Fox News (of course), with the always-objective Glenn Beck (my fingers threw up a little bit after typing that last phrase).  But in a blog post, Chuck seems to be entertaining the thought of having himself run for President of Texas.  He goes on to say that Texas has proven that it has the ability to survive on its own, without help from the Federal Government

Let I get this straight… a citizen of the United States is suggesting that one of the states in the union secede and form their own country.  Ummm… didn’t we already solve this problem with the CIVIL WAR?  Chuck is believing all of the hype of the Chuck Norris Facts, and now he seems to be taking himself seriously as a conservative pundit.  But like most conservative pundits (especially the ones that appear on Glenn Beck’s Gloom-And-Doom Hate-Filled Paranoia-Thon), Chuck is months late and millions of dollars short.

Chuck, where was your concern for the direction this country was headed when its previous President was allowed to circumvent the Constitution of the United States in order to declare war on a country that had nothing to do with the attack on its own soil?  Were you too busy roundhouse kicking yourself into oblivion?  And you are suddenly NOW concerned about government spending.  Unless the kicks that Bruce Lee gave you in “Return of the Dragon” are affecting your memory, you should remember just how costly this war was… costly in terms of dollars, and in terms of human capital.  It’s odd that you were strangely silent when wounded veterans were coming home to shameful conditions in V.A. hospitals and whatnot?  Were you so concerned about the state of this country when it wouldn’t allow casket-draped coffins to be photographed, because it made people feel sad about the war?

By the way, Chuck… the reason why this country is in the shape it’s in is not because of President Obama.  For goodness’ sakes, he hasn’t even reached the 100-day mark yet.  And now, suddenly, in true cowardly Republican form, HE is the problem.  The current President wasn’t the one that allowed the conditions to be in a state where these corporate goons could rape and pillage their companies to the point of the economic collapse.  It’s not the Democratic Party’s fault that there was no oversight with these companies, in hopes that “trickle-down economics” would work.  You see, Chuck, your rallying cry of being “united and tired of corruption and not taking anymore” is typical of the problems with the Republican Party.  They (just like you) refuse to look inward and see that they are the problem, and that they helped usher in the cataclysms that this country is facing.  Just as some of them think that appointing Mike Steele as chairman of the RNC and having Gov. Bobby Jindal address the country all of a sudden show that the Republicans are “diverse”, your attitude about addressing the ills of this country are equally shortsighted.

In short, Chuck… unless you’re willing to be part of the solution, you are part of the problem.  And seeing as how you’re using Glenn Beck’s show as a platform for your militia-minded secessionist, anti-American frontier gibberish, I only have one suggestion for you.  Chuck Norris, go roundhouse kick yourself in the junk and then shut’cher gobbige mowf.  You’re definitely not helping.

Rush Limbaugh’s Pimp Hand vs. Michael (Not Made Of) Steele

Part 2 of an ongoing series, “Mike Steele In The Hour of Chaos”… heh…

Pardon me, but I’m having way too much fun enjoying the Republican Party’s circular firing squad open fire on each other. In a brief moment of leadership, RNC Chairman tried to wander off the plantation and actually declare that he, not Rush Limbaugh, is the de facto leader of the Republican Party. In an interview with DL Hughley (on Hughley’s CNN show – which has been bad, from little I’ve seen… but this particular episode featured Public Enemy’s Chuck D), Steele seemed to have grown a pair when he said:

“I’m the de facto leader of the Republican Party…”

He went on to say that Limbaugh’s show is “incendiary” and “ugly”, and that Rush was a mere entertainer.

Well, Rush didn’t take it too well that one of his boys got downright uppity. Rush responded by saying this:

“So I am an entertainer and I have 20 million listeners because of my great song and dance routine… Michael Steele, you are head of the Republican National Committee. You are not head of the Republican party. Tens of millions of conservatives and Republicans have nothing to do with the Republican National Committee…and when you call them asking for money, they hang up on you.”

...my sentiments exactly...
…my sentiments exactly…

Here is Steele’s first chance to assert himself as the leader of the Republican Party, in name and in deed. Here is his chance to begin to reclaim the party, and rescue it from the neanderthals, the miscreants, the racists, and the troglodytes. Here is his chance to prove that the Republican Party is ready for a change, and ready to act in the best interests of the country, and not rely on petty partisan crapola. RNC Chairman Michael Steele, the floor is yours.

My intent was not to go after Rush – I have enormous respect for Rush Limbaugh,” Steele said in a telephone interview. “I was maybe a little bit inarticulate. … There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership.

Oh Mikey, epic fail on your part...
Oh Mikey… Epic Fail on your part… falling on your face like that…

Steele goes on to say:

“I went back at that tape and I realized words that I said weren’t what I was thinking… It was one of those things where I thinking I was saying one thing, and it came out differently. What I was trying to say was a lot of people … want to make Rush the scapegoat, the bogeyman, and he’s not.”

“I’m not going to engage these guys and sit back and provide them the popcorn for a fight between me and Rush Limbaugh …No such thing is going to happen. … I wasn’t trying to slam him or anything.”

“He brings a very important message to the American people to wake up and pay attention to what the administration is doing …Number two, there are those out there who want to look at what he’s saying as incendiary and divisive and ugly. That’s what I was trying to say. It didn’t come out that way. … He does what he does best, which is provoke: He provokes thought, he provokes the left. And they’re clearly the ones who are most excited about him.”

Asked if he planned to apologize, Steele said: “I wasn’t trying to offend anybody. So, yeah, if he’s offended, I’d say: Look, I’m not in the business of hurting people’s feelings here. … My job is to try to bring us all together.”

And there it is. When Steele dares to wander too far from the plantation, we can count on Rush to execute his St. Ronald of Reagan Pimp Hand, to get Steele back into line. Make that money for Big Daddy Rush, Mikey… make that money. And don’t let Rush catch you on some reckless eyeballin’… the GOPimp Hand will be back to remind you of your place.

Now… dance, boy.