So Paula Abdul’s gone from AMERICAN IDOL. Hell, she mentally checked out of there years ago. No big whoop. She’ll be alright, there are plenty of options available for that kind of of attractive, over-40, gay ferrets frolicking in sh*t crazy…
…isn’t that right, Mary Murphy?
So, let us move on. I have a short list of people I would love to see take over the Scrambles The CatMind Paula:
All three of the women from Bananarama. Why? Because getting the Go-Gos would be pushing it, duh. Besides, one of them married the OTHER guy from WHAM! And I think that their track EVERYTHING SHE WANTS was the baddest “why did I marry this biotch” song, ever.
I know that you’re probably thinking that six judges would waste even more time as each one of them would have to comment. I doubt that all three women from Bananarama each reading a chapter from WAR & PEACE would take as much time say something as it did Paula.
Monie Love would so cool for AI. She’s British, like Simon Cowell, she’s had a couple of hit songs (including my all time favorite “Happy Rap ™Bernie Mac R.I.P tracks, Monie In The Middle):
She cute as all a nature postcard
And, most importantly, she isn’t afraid to speak her mind and won’t stand down until she gets her point across like she did when she said that Hip Hop was dead (amen, sista!)
Speaking of Hip Hop, AI could get some street cred without having to deal with some of these mentally dead rappers like Kanye (oops, I didn’t say that, did I?)
by getting Dr. Dre to be a judge! Dr. Dre is one of the best producers ever and, for good, bad or indifferent, he did play a role in making rap music a major music genre back in the early 90s. Plus he actually knows what he’s talking about and not blowing so much smoke up your arse that you get rectum cancer. Speaking of blowing smoke;
Yeah, DMX! Okay, okay, calm down…hear me out on this…
You pump the brakes, too, Aunt Gladys! DMX is the Paula Abdul of Hip Hop plus it would become the newest American obsession watching for when DMX would snap after hearing Randy Jackson say “dawg” about 1500 times an episode.
You’ve become such a salty mouth since you hooked up with them Mormans, Aunt Gladys. Oh, wait, is this because I didn’t mention you as being a possible replacement for Paula? As if you don’t make money off that show as it is?
They’ve done tributes to you and spoofed you and you’ve even judged on the show a time or two. Sheesh, you’ve on American Idol more than Ryan Seacrest as it is.
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Ain’t that right, Fantasia?