Nia Long Said Beyonce Can’t Act…Oh No She Didn’t!

Actually, no, she didn’t.

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“I didn’t see ‘Obsessed,’ so I can’t comment, but it’s just not about how talented you are anymore. It’s about, ‘How much box-office revenue will this person generate?’ When you see certain people – we won’t name names – they just don’t have the skill, and no one in their team has said, ‘You need acting classes,’” the former Love Jones star replied curtly in the August issue of Britain’s Pride Magazine.

Oh, yeah, it’s on.  She didn’t even have to say “you know who’s name”

the real obsessionJust mention that janky assed OBSESSION movie just once and Beyonce Fan is ever so PISSED and Tweetin’ their troubled little minds into a spastic orgasm of hateraid the size of Texas.

I’m not really worried about them dudes getting in a tizzy, but I am happy as a runaway slave that this will stop them from filling up YouTube with their troubling  renditions of SINGLE LADIES:

Please stop.

Please stop.

I’m not really scared of King & Queen of The House Of Dereon declaring war on Hollywood.

The Kang & Queen Of H.O.D.

The Kang & Queen Of H.O.D.

Then coming in, suing Katherine for full custody of Paris, Blanket and Scrappy Doo and pimping them out as Destiny’s Child II/The Empire Strikes Back.  Um, wait, wrong Gravy Train Parents.  My bad.

Naw, what scares me is that this one here

9331__440x600_solange_knowles_rainbowIs gonna put a “H” on her chest and HANDLE DAT BICH, Chokeadelphia style, Lord knows she’s already dressed…for something (another “winning” fashion from The House Of Dereon?)

I would much rather see some beatdown action, anything that will keep Solange from putting her verbal skills into play.   Nia don’t want none of that, the world don’t want none of that.

Jesus wept.

Anyway, Nia’s preaching to the choir.  She had more to say, of course:

She also goes on to say, “If you’re a singer not an actress, you should sing. If you’re a rapper, you should rap,” “If you take time to develop your craft, God bless you. Jamie Foxx is an example of both [actor and singer].”

(This interview must have taken place BEFORE The B.E.T. Awards…had to, just had to…)

Nothing scares me into hitting the crack pipe quick than the phrase “Rapper/Singer Turned Actor”.   Now there are exceptions to every rule.  Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr., Marky Mark (until Will Smith became Mr. 4th Of July, our best rapper turned actor was Marky Mark, well if you count SEVEN POUNDS and WILD WILD WEST, Marky Mark still is, whoops PLANET OF THE APES…nevermind)…but lately, whew!  Rappers and singers been funking up the big and little screen with their Cinematic halitosis.  You just try to watch Common in TERMINATOR: SALVATION for more than 30 seconds without wanting to go out on a date with Steve McNair’s Persian Honeydip.

Aunt GladysI’m sorry, Aunt Gladys!

And don’t get me started on this:

bringingdownJust.don’t.go.there.

Hey, I tell you what Nia, we’ll send Beyonce and Common to acting class for life and you keep Cap’n Baby Wipes

terrence_howard.0.0.0x0.432x432…away from the recording studio.  Restraining order distance ain’t far enough, from Kansas City to Chicago isn’t far enough but that’ll do…for now.

P.S.:  Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that Nia Long does have valid points nor I am not trying to side with Beyonce or anything but I kinda laughed when she brought up Jamie Foxx as her main example of someone who’s honed their craft. Because, if I was Beyo, I would use your own words and flip them back on you:

Nia further added, “If you were able to take all the Black actresses and the choices we’ve made collectively, it’s a pure reflection of what you see on film. People need to work. But the content? The opportunities for Black actresses are more widespread today, but the quality has suffered.”

No sh*t.

held up

...Black Hollywood, you ain't helping, either

I know that it was the 20th Century but I still want my money back in 1999 dollars for watching this mess.  Oh, Black Hollywood, for every one finger point at someone, there are three point back at you…unless you got that weird 78 degree angle thing going on with your fingers like Denzel does.

THE 2009 BET AWARDS/A Black On Black Crying Shame Conclusion (sheesh)

What I had said before was…..

Okay, I get it. I totally get that when you expect something that claims to be BLACK ENTERTAINMENT on TELEVISION, you shouldn’t expect the highest in quality, the upmost in respect, for someone to actually give a flying f*ck off a high dive about the best interest of the BLACK COMMUNITY, because all that s*it cost, money, nigger.

What was I thinking?

If it’s cheaper to have some dude named Terrance and that man-jacking a Bunk Moreland stunt double looking, Third World discount country Prime Minister from a glorified video ho (Lisa-Raye) Rocsi kiss rappers and dime-a-dozen R&B ‘diva’ arse all day from “106th & Park”, why should they pay for more professional deejays like they once did for their VIDEO SOUL show?

If it’s cheaper to purchase the syndication rights to defunct shows like SOUL FOOD, THE GAME and a edited-to-death THE WIRE, why should they bother putting out authentic programming that would actually cost more than sending a camera crew out to watch Keyshia Cole’s mother and sister cuss at each other in the aisles of Sally’s, while picking out an appropriate weave for Fish N’ Grits Nite @ The Elks Lounge?

Cheap, cheap as hell. I lived in Arizona for almost 14 years and watch the Arizona Cardinals play, I know cheap when I see it and B.E.T. makes Bill Bidwell look like he’s making it rain up in the Champaigne Room of The TNA Lounge with 100 dollar bills.

I could go on all day with this. This is the thing that we’ve come to expect from B.E.T. and they know it. They know us like a book. They know that FRANKIE & NEFFI, TINY & TOYA and any other modern day Watermelon & Chicken Minstrel Show will pull in ad dollars and ratings without them doing no more than getting somebody to film it.

But THIS TIME, B.E.T., you could have done better than what you did this past Sunday night with your “tribute”. You could have found a number of artist out there who would have done Michael Jackson proud, that would have done the Black community proud and, for once B.E.T., you could have shut cynical bastards like me up, if only for one night and made us, begrudingly, give your chickenheaded ass network some respect.

Like we did, back in early 1980s, when you saw that MTV wasn’t about to play video with a black person in it and you created VIDEO SOUL. When you put on shows like TEEN SUMMIT, had a News department with folks like Ed Gordon, Michelle Miller and Jacque Reid and not somebody named “Cousin Jeff” (not a diss on Jeff Johnson, who’s a great reporter, too good for B.E.T., that’s for damn sure)…

We would have shown you some real love, B.E.T. All you had to do is

  • Tell most of those fools to act like they do when they are on the Grammys, when the Grammys will even let them in the building…
  • Show some damn respect
  • Pull up your pants
  • Stop cussing
  • Don’t bring Dixie cups, pimp chalices and bottles filled with questionable and flammable fluids to the awards show, please?
  • Pick another week to pay homage to the most shown movie on BET BLACKBUSTER MOVIES, BABY BOY:
taraji_p__henson4

"I hate you, B.E.T.!!!"

Hell, that that turned out to be a better tribute than the one that MJ got.

  • Don’t bring your kids up on stage to dance with the “It” rapper of the week
  • As a matter of fact, DON’T BRING YOUR KIDS TO THE AWARDS SHOW, period.
  • Get TWO censors to monitor the show.
  • Better yet, spend some extra dollars and put the mofo on the 7 second delay? Why Viacom got you cheap bastards on welfare when they giving Brett Michaels a tour bus that can hold up to 14 skanks comfortably?
  • …etc…etc…etc…
  • Just ONE night, you could have suspended the stupidity, reined in the act-a-foolishness and showed the world how much you and, by proxy, the Black community felt about the man. But, you reverted to type and those of us who sat thru the whole damn thing are still trying to wash the new “funk of 40,000 years ” that it left off of us days later.

    And, now, we’ll all have to wait until the “new” King Of Pop

    Justin_0_0_0x0_432x296

    comes back from vacay and shows us how to tribute, motherfu*kers!

    As for you, B.E.T., I hope you’re happy, you should be. You got those big numbers your “tribute’ was assured of getting. Hope that was all worth it. Enjoy it.

    Rembember this feeling, because you’re dead to me. I’m done with youse. That s*it, on Sunday night, was a dealbreaker, b*tch. Take your lame excuses, your depressing shows, your BLACKBUSTER MOVIES and, seriously, you and Viacom can take your “oh look, there are black people over the age of 35 who we can milk for more easy money” new network for the old Negroes and moonwalk it off a cliff.

    You’ve played this fool for the last time.

    fuck_you

    THE 2009 BET AWARDS/A Black On Black Crying Shame Part 2

    ..continued from HERE

    If you take away the segments of the show that actually had anything to do with Michael Jackson being honored, there wouldn’t be much left. I am not including Jamie Foxx’s opening. That was a synopsis of every King Of Pop comedian skit done since MJ was a authentic Negro. Speaking of Negro…

    “No need to be sad. We want to celebrate this black man’s — this black man. He belongs to us, and we shared him with everybody else. They talking about what he looks like in the media. It don’t make a difference what he looked like. Am I right? It was all about what he sounded like.”–Jamie Foxx

    jackson_arrest

    Um….well? To be honest, I don’t even think MJ liked his own DNA. He was so scared of his kids getting that Tito nose that he didn’t even want his sperm to taint whomever eggs it was that were used to make them kids that he claimed as his. “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white”, wasn’t just a song lyric for MJ, that was the way he lived his life, right down to procreation...I’m just saying.

    Before Foxx made that comment, it wasn’t nothing but love coming from the media about Jackson. The Race Card Handbook Rule #666 clearly states:

    Thou shalt not giveth Fox News thine opening to “goeth there”. Giveth Fox a foot, thine harlots shall taketh a whole damneth football field.

    Case in point.

    There was a racial cease fire in effect on MJ and Jamie went and blew that one all to hell. I knew it wasn’t going to last forever, I learned my lesson about America joining hands around the fire and singing songs of Peace and that lasting forever after 911. That lasted about three weeks and we were all back to being assholes to one another. But, dammit, Jamie, don’t just invite FOX NEWS in to take a free shot. Make Bill O’Reilly work for that hate spew, man!

    ….click HERE for more thrilling stuff…well not so much (here’s a hint, it’s more of me bitching and moaning)

    The 2009 BET AWARDS/A Black On Black Crying Shame Part 1…

    NOTE: I spent the last few days putting into words how I felt about the travesty “tribute” that B.E.T. claimed they re-vamped their awards show into to pay homage to Michael Jackson. Always skeptical of Black Entertainment Television’s claim to serve black America just because they’re the largest black network in America, I gave them the benefit of the doubt.

    Stupid me. What follows is a three-part (yeah, I had a lot to say) word spew about my thoughts on the whole affair.–TTS

    Michael_Jackson(46)

    “Michael Jackson was so important to our world, to our country, to this network.  Michael was truly a musical diety.”–BET Chairwoman Debra L. Lee

    AND THIS HOW YOU PAY HOMAGE?

    BET Awards Show

    Vodpod videos no longer available.

    browns+24

    The B.E.T. (Black Embarrassment Entertainment Television) Network found itself in a prime opportunity to pimp their horrible new programming the unenviable position of being the first “major” awards program to be held after the death of entertainment legend, Michael Jackson.

    Aw, Hell naw!  I knew that this wouldn't end well...

    Aw, Hell naw! I knew that this wouldn't end well...

    To quote the late, great, Robin Harris, “It’s not that I’m psychic, I just KNOW”, hot dammit, I just KNEW that this was setting up to be a clusterf*ck of Epic proportions.

    Then my feminine side spoke up and check’d my ego, “Man, you are such a hatin’, cynical, just down right grumpy sumb*tch.  You need to quit jumping the gun on everything.  Shut your mouth, for once in your miserable life, and let things play out.  You just might be surprised.”

    After the show, I sent that old girl a restraining order.  That b*tch don’t know what the hell she talking about.  She’s been hanging out in me for years.  You hang around an asshole long enough, some s*it is bound to rub off on you.  Anyway…

    MUDFLAPSKIDSBET2

    The BET Awards have been around for 9 years and for the majority of those years, I always found myself wondering the same thing, “Do these motherf*ckerseven watch other award shows?”  It’s like AmateurHour at the local NBC affiliate in Bugtussle, TN.  

    You would have thought that no one at BET had ever seen a television camera, teleprompter, sound board or had a cohesive plan on how a show is run.  Just go for it and if it works, eh, it works, what do they care, it’s just B.E.T.  No one but the Negroes watch it and who cares what they really think about us, they’ll just keep watching, because, you know, they’re idiots.

    I can take a hint, you could care less what some brotha out there (who’s been out of that coveted 17-34 demograpic that you so want to sucker get to watch your shows).  I had no plans whatsoever to watch the 2009 carnage unfold.  Then MJ passed away and B.E.T. told the world that they were turning their Awards show into a tribute.  Sigh.

    117075

    We don't kurr, we just here to par-tay....

    B.E.T. usually employs the THROW ANY S*IT THAT WILL STICK mentality to these shows and that tactic, along with the “Today’s R&B/Hip Hop Coonery Crowd mixed in, you best believe your sweet arse that you will have some things that will stand out.  This year’s award show was no exception.

    BET Awards Insider

    The grown ass Negroes in their “formal” T-Shirt and Ball Cap gear, I can tell it’s formal because he ain’t bent his brim.

    BET Awards Arrivals

    What the hoe, now?  Who’s child is this?  Did you not get the memo?  This is supposed to be classy, girl! Where is the rest of that damn dress!  Come on now, this sh*t ain’t even appropriate when someone hasn’t died, gawd damn, have thee no shame?r836006010

    I wondered if Keri Hilston thought that somebody from the movie GREASE had died when I first saw this get up.  I was screaming at the TV screen, SING HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOU!  SING HOPELESSLY DEVOTED TO YOOOOOOUUU!

    BET Awards Arrivals

    I’m still mad at Zoe Saldana’s performance in the latest STAR TREK film, but I was happy to see her and Original Recipe Uhura, Nichelle Nichols at the show.  Even though the bootleg producers and tipsy arsed host, Jamie Foxx, left her hanging when her and Nichelle’s time to step up to the podeum came and nature called Nichelle to the loo to poo.  I guess I can blame it on the alcohol, huh?

    BET Awards Insider

    If there is a high profile tragedy with mass media saturation, you know the Civil Rights TMZ Squad of Sir Pompedor (Al Sharpton, above) and his absent partner in racial ponzi scheming, Jesse “Baby Grandpa” Jackson will be where the action is, abusing the privilege to get a seat at the festivities.

    BET Awards InsiderI rest my case.

    BET Awards Press Room

    Why is this man smiling….nevermind.

    BET Awards Press Room

    No truth to the rumors that Jeremy Piven was at the BET Awards researching to take over the Judd Nelson role in NEW JACK CITY II–THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK.

    BET Awards Show

    B.E.T. this is your big night and you’re telling me that there was no way you could have locked the fool sporting the BIG ASS CHAIN, in a hall closet or given his driver instructions to keep going past the Watts Towers and then head north until you’re in the city far west than Los Angeles (that would be Reno, Nevada for those of you keeping score…true story, Google it)

    pimpisezOf course, no BET Awards show would not be complete with out a pimp sighting…

    BET Awards Show

    …Or some kind of inappropriation of children, children who shouldn’t be there in the first place.  Ahh, but who gives a rat’s arse, it’s just B.E.T., right?

    Click here for PART DOS…

    Today’s Proof That Change Has Indeed Come To America…

    …Opie Taylor and Donnie Darko rollin’ up to the club on Dubs.
    Richie Cunningham The Mack

    Richie Cunningham The Mack

    In the latest Hype Williams video, for Jamie Foxx and T-Pain’s BLAME IT, Foxx flips open his T-Mobile and dials up his Five or Ten or so and the usual suspects naturally answer the call, Samuel L. Jackson, Forrest Whittaker, Morris Chestnut, Bill Bellamy…etc…etc…etc… (because I’m old and can’t see through all that red light ish and it’s a music video and I’m not about to go through every frame of that thing like it was the Zapruder Film).

    Now everybody has friends from different walks of life, who, when they are in their element, do their own thing.  But you call them up out of courtesy, even though you know that, more than likely, they aren’t going to accept your invite to do something that’s not their thing.  For example, Ed Begley, Jr. is probably NOT going to hang out with his boy, Michael Vick, when Ron Mexico’s heading out for a night of inhumane dog fighting.  Probably not.  So when the speed dial got around to Jake Gyllenhaal and Ron Howard, you would pretty much think that gettin’ their drank on up in the VIP is not their cup of tea.  Not so fast, my friend. 

    According to The Boombox:

    “Then during the inaugural [ceremony] I was talking to Ron Howard. I said ‘Ron would you be in a music video? I have the song of the year it’s called ‘Blame It.’ Will you do it?’ He said ‘Sure I’ll do it. Just give me a call.”

    At this point, if I’m Jamie Foxx, I’m laughing to myself, thinking, “Yeah, right! So let me see who else I can get up in this thang…”

    Foxx used Howard’s appearance as a bargaining tool to bait Whitaker, Gyllenhaal, and Jackson.

    I can just imagine the call to Sam Jackson:

    Jamie: Yo Sam, can you do my video?
    Sam: Naw, motherf*cker!
    Jamie: Aww man, come on! Ron Howard said yes.
    Sam: N*gga, what? Opie said he’d be in your video? Now this s*it I gots to see!


    Now everybody says yes but I know that Jamie wasn’t expecting none of them ballers to actually show up:

    They all agreed but the actor/musician admits he didn’t think anyone would actually show.

    See? But they did show up. Even with all those stars in the house, they weren’t the biggest star in the video:

    Despite all those big names,  the most important cameo for Foxx was his younger sister Deondra Dixon, who has Down Syndrome. Dixon begged her older brother to dance in the video. He agreed, calling her performance “the heart of the video.”

    Now that’s right on time.

    Let this be a lesson to you kids, You can take the Pimp out of Mayberry but you can’t make him drop that pimp cane. (I don’t know what that means).

    CHECK OUT THE VIDEO HERE

    There is no truth to the rumors that Hype will be making a music video for the movie FROST/NIXON featuring Akon, Yung Joc and a pimpin’ Frank Langella

    or that Ron Howard agreed to co-produce a remake of  BELLY or that he had anything to do with

    with this s*it.