Why Justin Timberlake Can Never Be The King Of Pop

Oh, no, it’s not because he’s not talented enough. Not because he’s peaked, if anything he’s at the tip of the iceburg of his potential. Nah, it’s nothing like that. The reason why Mr. D*ck In A Box can never take over the role left open by the death of Michael Jackson is:
janet-jackson-and-justin-timberlake-high-court-says-no-big-dealBecause no king would ever leave a Damsel in Distress.*

*Actually, plenty of kings not only left their girls hanging, sometimes literally, they used them, abused them, beheaded them, banished them when they were through with them, shot, raped, locked them up, just basically weren’t all that nice to them.  And I was just talking about Henry VIII.

I don’t know if he actually shot any of his women.  It wouldn’t surprise me if he did.  He was a pimp with a crown.  I mean, the dude was all about getting in them panties.  Dude took over the Church Of England because the Catholic Church got tired of handing him out divorces like a fat kid getting free pizza at Chuck E. Cheese.  That’s a pimp move.  Henry 8 Da Pimp King, plain and simple.  And don’t get me started on THE TUDORS

the pretty pretty king...

Come on, I doubt that Henry looked like he was in a boy band…stop it, SHOWTIME.

Next time I’m just going to say the witty statement and not think about it.  That’s what I get for trying to score points with the ladies.

On the real, does anybody in their right mind think that Janet is just going to let Justin Timberlake, of all people, have anything to do with something that was associated with her brother?  Did you see Janet at the BET Music Awards last Sunday?

Talk To The HandDoes that look like somebody to be f*cked with?  Especially the fool who left her on her own to take all the heat behind the infamous “wardrobe malfunction” incident?

I wish a wigger would!

More Michael Jackson Mayhem…

I saw this comment in regards to Don Cornelius’s appearance on the B.E.T. Awards the other night.

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Don Cornelius’ ad-libbing: I’m rarely one to knock our industry icons, but, respectfully, Mr. Cornelius wandered way too far from the script and that’s a no-no for live television. I remembered Quincy Jones’ getting long-winded at a Soul Train Awards many years ago, and one of the producers literally came on stage to bring him off. Out of respect, it’s hard sometimes to tell our industry treasures to keep it at a minimum, but we can’t afford to lose the short attention spans of our TV audience either.

...um, Mr. Corneilius?  Sir?

...um, Mr. Corneilius? Sir?

Yeah, Don ran long, that is noooo lie.  That was first time the old playa had been in front of a mic and a live studio audience in years.  He was embracing the moment like he was making love to a long, lost high school sweetheart.  I’m down with letting him have his moment.  But, still, I was looking for the Soul Train Scramble Board clock half way through his introduction of the O’Jays.

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But, as I was taught when I was a child, “you always respect your elders.  They’ve been where we’re trying to get to.”  Sometimes we tend to forget that the greatest source of just about anything you could ever hope to know can be found in those who came before us.  If you respect nothing else, then one should always remember that.   If Don C wanted to ramble on all night, he earned that right.  If it wasn’t for people like Don C and Quincy Jones, there would be no B.E.T.  They made the path a little clearer and smoother for everybody that was in that building the other night, including the King Of Pop.  True Story.

On the flip side of legends, P. Diddy…

diddy

“While you guys are talking and laughing, you’re not hearing his words. You’re not listening to his words. I need you to hear what he’s saying! Listen to the message that he is telling us. Michael, I hear your words–I hear what you are saying!”–Diddy (really? was this before or after the Red Carpet pre-show where he was out on the carpet playing hambone while Day 26 warbled a tune? )

Oh, this happened AFTER THE SHOW,

Diddy became irate when party guests at L.A. hot spot MyHouse seemed to be having too much of a good time while celebrating Jacko’s life.

Toward the end of the evening, the rapper abruptly stopped playing a remixed version of “Man in the Mirror” to dedicate a moment of silence to the singer and then told guests (the quoted statement above).

Now comes word that Diddy (and Mr. Beyonce Knowles, Jay-Z) are ever so pissed that OK MAGAZINE is capitalizing on the King Of Pop’s untimely passing by putting photos of him as he’s being taken to the hospital.

Those “sumabiches”!  The nerve of you!  How dare you try to make money off of a famous person’s unfortunate passing like it’s your job or something?

diddy-pout

I agree with Puffy and Mr. Knowles, you people sicken me.  No, really, I am with Diddy on this one.  Nobody could be better suited to defend the legacy of the King Of Pop.  Diddy has been down this road before, with the death of his good friend, The Notorious B.I.G.   We all know how Diddy has some experience and sensitivity when it comes to what to do when a black icon dies…LET’S MAKE A TRIBUTE VIDEO!

Shut up, Diddy.

MarvelComicsMJ

I wonder if Marvel Comics will kill off  Teddy Lingard, the Marvel Universe Michael Jackson (well, the only one I ever saw in any of their comics).  He appeared in DAZZLER #33, a THRILLER tribute issue and…

dazzler_33Yes, I just outed myself as comic book geek, what of it?

Finally, I just had to comment on Mr. Knowles wifey, Beyonce at the B.E.T. Awards.  Allegedly, she had revamped her initial number and turned it into a tribute to MJ.

GrannyShe did look hot but the vibe I got from her initially was more Norma Desmond in SUNSET BOULEVARD/Joan Crawford, 40s Film noir with a Esther Williams swimsuit on.  Then….

FameImGonnaLiveForeverShe really went nuckin’ futs!  A number of things ran through my mind:

  • She was supposed to wear that at her wedding AND honeymoon, Jay wasn’t having that and her moms, who you know made that damn thing, you just know she did, said “uh uh, you’re going to wear that…thing, SOMEWHERE!  I worked hard on that, chile!”  And here we are.
  • She was high.
  • She’s crazy.
  • She knows exactly what she’s doing (no, that’s actually pretty damn scary to think about)
  • She’s a diva and she’s not letting no King Of Pop ruin her night, dammit!
  • We were getting punk’d and she forgot to tell everybody afterwards
  • She was auditioning for the FAME remake and wasn’t going to take, “we’ve already filmed it” for an answer.
  • Producers were afraid tell Lil’ Wayne that his set wasn’t anywhere near being appropriate to pay respect to someone who had just died, so they asked Beyo to take one for the team and perform AVE MARIA, the one thing known to put Lil’ Wayne in a coma long enough for him to miss his number.

It ALMOST worked.

wayne

THE 2009 BET AWARDS/A Black On Black Crying Shame Conclusion (sheesh)

What I had said before was…..

Okay, I get it. I totally get that when you expect something that claims to be BLACK ENTERTAINMENT on TELEVISION, you shouldn’t expect the highest in quality, the upmost in respect, for someone to actually give a flying f*ck off a high dive about the best interest of the BLACK COMMUNITY, because all that s*it cost, money, nigger.

What was I thinking?

If it’s cheaper to have some dude named Terrance and that man-jacking a Bunk Moreland stunt double looking, Third World discount country Prime Minister from a glorified video ho (Lisa-Raye) Rocsi kiss rappers and dime-a-dozen R&B ‘diva’ arse all day from “106th & Park”, why should they pay for more professional deejays like they once did for their VIDEO SOUL show?

If it’s cheaper to purchase the syndication rights to defunct shows like SOUL FOOD, THE GAME and a edited-to-death THE WIRE, why should they bother putting out authentic programming that would actually cost more than sending a camera crew out to watch Keyshia Cole’s mother and sister cuss at each other in the aisles of Sally’s, while picking out an appropriate weave for Fish N’ Grits Nite @ The Elks Lounge?

Cheap, cheap as hell. I lived in Arizona for almost 14 years and watch the Arizona Cardinals play, I know cheap when I see it and B.E.T. makes Bill Bidwell look like he’s making it rain up in the Champaigne Room of The TNA Lounge with 100 dollar bills.

I could go on all day with this. This is the thing that we’ve come to expect from B.E.T. and they know it. They know us like a book. They know that FRANKIE & NEFFI, TINY & TOYA and any other modern day Watermelon & Chicken Minstrel Show will pull in ad dollars and ratings without them doing no more than getting somebody to film it.

But THIS TIME, B.E.T., you could have done better than what you did this past Sunday night with your “tribute”. You could have found a number of artist out there who would have done Michael Jackson proud, that would have done the Black community proud and, for once B.E.T., you could have shut cynical bastards like me up, if only for one night and made us, begrudingly, give your chickenheaded ass network some respect.

Like we did, back in early 1980s, when you saw that MTV wasn’t about to play video with a black person in it and you created VIDEO SOUL. When you put on shows like TEEN SUMMIT, had a News department with folks like Ed Gordon, Michelle Miller and Jacque Reid and not somebody named “Cousin Jeff” (not a diss on Jeff Johnson, who’s a great reporter, too good for B.E.T., that’s for damn sure)…

We would have shown you some real love, B.E.T. All you had to do is

  • Tell most of those fools to act like they do when they are on the Grammys, when the Grammys will even let them in the building…
  • Show some damn respect
  • Pull up your pants
  • Stop cussing
  • Don’t bring Dixie cups, pimp chalices and bottles filled with questionable and flammable fluids to the awards show, please?
  • Pick another week to pay homage to the most shown movie on BET BLACKBUSTER MOVIES, BABY BOY:
taraji_p__henson4

"I hate you, B.E.T.!!!"

Hell, that that turned out to be a better tribute than the one that MJ got.

  • Don’t bring your kids up on stage to dance with the “It” rapper of the week
  • As a matter of fact, DON’T BRING YOUR KIDS TO THE AWARDS SHOW, period.
  • Get TWO censors to monitor the show.
  • Better yet, spend some extra dollars and put the mofo on the 7 second delay? Why Viacom got you cheap bastards on welfare when they giving Brett Michaels a tour bus that can hold up to 14 skanks comfortably?
  • …etc…etc…etc…
  • Just ONE night, you could have suspended the stupidity, reined in the act-a-foolishness and showed the world how much you and, by proxy, the Black community felt about the man. But, you reverted to type and those of us who sat thru the whole damn thing are still trying to wash the new “funk of 40,000 years ” that it left off of us days later.

    And, now, we’ll all have to wait until the “new” King Of Pop

    Justin_0_0_0x0_432x296

    comes back from vacay and shows us how to tribute, motherfu*kers!

    As for you, B.E.T., I hope you’re happy, you should be. You got those big numbers your “tribute’ was assured of getting. Hope that was all worth it. Enjoy it.

    Rembember this feeling, because you’re dead to me. I’m done with youse. That s*it, on Sunday night, was a dealbreaker, b*tch. Take your lame excuses, your depressing shows, your BLACKBUSTER MOVIES and, seriously, you and Viacom can take your “oh look, there are black people over the age of 35 who we can milk for more easy money” new network for the old Negroes and moonwalk it off a cliff.

    You’ve played this fool for the last time.

    fuck_you

    THE 2009 BET AWARDS/A Black On Black Crying Shame Part 3

    …previously on A BLACK ON BLACK CRYING SHAME

    Had it been “business as usual” over at the House That Bobcat Bob Built, they would have put out yet another in a long line of inferiour product, the majority would have loved them for it, “uppity” Negroes, like yours truly, would have either ignored the mess outright or watched it, bitched about the New Jack Coonery, turned away from the channel until the next year, rinse and repeat. It would have been just another day in Complacency City.

    Then B.E.T. took it upon themselves to be the vanguard:

    Producers of the annual awards show — which recognizes the best in music, acting and sports — say they scrapped their plans and revamped the show to meet the moment.

    “It’s a total overhaul. Luckily we have enough time to do that.”–Chairwoman Debra L. Lee

    You scrapped your original plans FOR THAT? Debra Lee would have you believe that what unfolded was a overhaul, I’m telling you that it was a mindf*ck with no Vaseline. The news reports would have you believe that this was a wondrous event that was capped off by Janet Jackson’s surprise appearance at the end of the show. She had the double misfortune to have to come in after the Lil’ Wayne & Drake w/The Pre-Teen Video Hoes Tribute To R. Kelly’s Digital Piss set and tell the audience that her family appreciates the love and support that they’ve given them. S*it, had somebody threw an explosion of projectile turdfest like that for anybody I loved, I would have shot somebody. I was embarrassed that Janet had to walk in on that bulls*it and everybody at B.E.T. should have been, too.

    Look, I don’t want to hear the same old excuses that we’ve all come to loathe from the kinfolx who will defend anything that is black owned and/or black operated. It doesn’t hold water in this case because Debra Lee and her punk posse brought this one on themselves. Had B.E.T. not said a mumbling word about turning their annual visual and oraltory halitosis into a “tribute” that was spottier than discharge, then we would all have wiped our collective arse of this stankonia.

    Where was I? Oh, yeah…If you take out the New Edition thrown together tribute (the only thing that I can admit felt like it was put together at the last minute…boy it sure looked and sounded like it), Ne-Yo tribute, the Ciara tribute (bless her heart), that thing that Keri Hilston did (bless her heart and pour holy water all over the sucka), the O’Jays back down memory lane story about MJ and the Ne-Yo/Jamie Foxx, you got about three hours LEFT! And that was filled with n*ggas doing what they do best at the BET Awards with the occassional “we love you Mike Jackson” or “Peace out to the King Of Pop!” and previews of TINY & TOYA

    tinyandtoyaI’m sorry, I forgot, there was one other “authentic” Jackson tribute:

    samestrobelightThat’s right, Beyonce used the same strobelight MJ used in his famous ROCK WITH YOU video. I never heard the dude sing AVE MARIA or wear a see through tu-tu. I know the King Of Pop could be eccentric, but I do believe that even he had his limits.

    The bottom line is that B.E.T (or Viacom, the people who really own the network. If you believed that black folks really owned that mess, then you probably believe that P. Diddy owns an Music empire. Keep dreaming, Cassie) in a mad rush to be THE FIRST to pay homage to Michael Jackson made a big stank mess of things.

    In a lucky arse fluke, the mainstream media all piggy backed on one another and just showed what they thought was worth it to them from (Jamie acitng a damn fool, Janet’s appearance) and ignored the rest. Unless somebody gets shot or run over by Suge Knight, nobody except dumb assed black folks, like me, some Latinos and maybe a few Japanese peeps who’re down is going to sit through almost 4 hours anything on BET. Then we’re going to go to FACEBOOK, TWITTER, MYSPACE (ha! just joking!) or their BLOG (every black person will have two of these bi*ches each by the middle of the next decade. True Story…not really) and rip the holy hell out the show with the occasional big city enterainment dude picking up on the loud bi*ching and moaning (louder and bi*chier than the norm) coming from the hood. This will go on for a minute and folks will, eventually move on to something else to go off on:

    tinyandtoya2Like Tiny & Toya.

    Up Next, THE CONCLUSION…FINALLY!

    THE 2009 BET AWARDS/A Black On Black Crying Shame Part 2

    ..continued from HERE

    If you take away the segments of the show that actually had anything to do with Michael Jackson being honored, there wouldn’t be much left. I am not including Jamie Foxx’s opening. That was a synopsis of every King Of Pop comedian skit done since MJ was a authentic Negro. Speaking of Negro…

    “No need to be sad. We want to celebrate this black man’s — this black man. He belongs to us, and we shared him with everybody else. They talking about what he looks like in the media. It don’t make a difference what he looked like. Am I right? It was all about what he sounded like.”–Jamie Foxx

    jackson_arrest

    Um….well? To be honest, I don’t even think MJ liked his own DNA. He was so scared of his kids getting that Tito nose that he didn’t even want his sperm to taint whomever eggs it was that were used to make them kids that he claimed as his. “It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white”, wasn’t just a song lyric for MJ, that was the way he lived his life, right down to procreation...I’m just saying.

    Before Foxx made that comment, it wasn’t nothing but love coming from the media about Jackson. The Race Card Handbook Rule #666 clearly states:

    Thou shalt not giveth Fox News thine opening to “goeth there”. Giveth Fox a foot, thine harlots shall taketh a whole damneth football field.

    Case in point.

    There was a racial cease fire in effect on MJ and Jamie went and blew that one all to hell. I knew it wasn’t going to last forever, I learned my lesson about America joining hands around the fire and singing songs of Peace and that lasting forever after 911. That lasted about three weeks and we were all back to being assholes to one another. But, dammit, Jamie, don’t just invite FOX NEWS in to take a free shot. Make Bill O’Reilly work for that hate spew, man!

    ….click HERE for more thrilling stuff…well not so much (here’s a hint, it’s more of me bitching and moaning)