Why Justin Timberlake Can Never Be The King Of Pop

Oh, no, it’s not because he’s not talented enough. Not because he’s peaked, if anything he’s at the tip of the iceburg of his potential. Nah, it’s nothing like that. The reason why Mr. D*ck In A Box can never take over the role left open by the death of Michael Jackson is:
janet-jackson-and-justin-timberlake-high-court-says-no-big-dealBecause no king would ever leave a Damsel in Distress.*

*Actually, plenty of kings not only left their girls hanging, sometimes literally, they used them, abused them, beheaded them, banished them when they were through with them, shot, raped, locked them up, just basically weren’t all that nice to them.  And I was just talking about Henry VIII.

I don’t know if he actually shot any of his women.  It wouldn’t surprise me if he did.  He was a pimp with a crown.  I mean, the dude was all about getting in them panties.  Dude took over the Church Of England because the Catholic Church got tired of handing him out divorces like a fat kid getting free pizza at Chuck E. Cheese.  That’s a pimp move.  Henry 8 Da Pimp King, plain and simple.  And don’t get me started on THE TUDORS

the pretty pretty king...

Come on, I doubt that Henry looked like he was in a boy band…stop it, SHOWTIME.

Next time I’m just going to say the witty statement and not think about it.  That’s what I get for trying to score points with the ladies.

On the real, does anybody in their right mind think that Janet is just going to let Justin Timberlake, of all people, have anything to do with something that was associated with her brother?  Did you see Janet at the BET Music Awards last Sunday?

Talk To The HandDoes that look like somebody to be f*cked with?  Especially the fool who left her on her own to take all the heat behind the infamous “wardrobe malfunction” incident?

I wish a wigger would!

More Michael Jackson Mayhem…

I saw this comment in regards to Don Cornelius’s appearance on the B.E.T. Awards the other night.

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Don Cornelius’ ad-libbing: I’m rarely one to knock our industry icons, but, respectfully, Mr. Cornelius wandered way too far from the script and that’s a no-no for live television. I remembered Quincy Jones’ getting long-winded at a Soul Train Awards many years ago, and one of the producers literally came on stage to bring him off. Out of respect, it’s hard sometimes to tell our industry treasures to keep it at a minimum, but we can’t afford to lose the short attention spans of our TV audience either.

...um, Mr. Corneilius?  Sir?

...um, Mr. Corneilius? Sir?

Yeah, Don ran long, that is noooo lie.  That was first time the old playa had been in front of a mic and a live studio audience in years.  He was embracing the moment like he was making love to a long, lost high school sweetheart.  I’m down with letting him have his moment.  But, still, I was looking for the Soul Train Scramble Board clock half way through his introduction of the O’Jays.

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But, as I was taught when I was a child, “you always respect your elders.  They’ve been where we’re trying to get to.”  Sometimes we tend to forget that the greatest source of just about anything you could ever hope to know can be found in those who came before us.  If you respect nothing else, then one should always remember that.   If Don C wanted to ramble on all night, he earned that right.  If it wasn’t for people like Don C and Quincy Jones, there would be no B.E.T.  They made the path a little clearer and smoother for everybody that was in that building the other night, including the King Of Pop.  True Story.

On the flip side of legends, P. Diddy…

diddy

“While you guys are talking and laughing, you’re not hearing his words. You’re not listening to his words. I need you to hear what he’s saying! Listen to the message that he is telling us. Michael, I hear your words–I hear what you are saying!”–Diddy (really? was this before or after the Red Carpet pre-show where he was out on the carpet playing hambone while Day 26 warbled a tune? )

Oh, this happened AFTER THE SHOW,

Diddy became irate when party guests at L.A. hot spot MyHouse seemed to be having too much of a good time while celebrating Jacko’s life.

Toward the end of the evening, the rapper abruptly stopped playing a remixed version of “Man in the Mirror” to dedicate a moment of silence to the singer and then told guests (the quoted statement above).

Now comes word that Diddy (and Mr. Beyonce Knowles, Jay-Z) are ever so pissed that OK MAGAZINE is capitalizing on the King Of Pop’s untimely passing by putting photos of him as he’s being taken to the hospital.

Those “sumabiches”!  The nerve of you!  How dare you try to make money off of a famous person’s unfortunate passing like it’s your job or something?

diddy-pout

I agree with Puffy and Mr. Knowles, you people sicken me.  No, really, I am with Diddy on this one.  Nobody could be better suited to defend the legacy of the King Of Pop.  Diddy has been down this road before, with the death of his good friend, The Notorious B.I.G.   We all know how Diddy has some experience and sensitivity when it comes to what to do when a black icon dies…LET’S MAKE A TRIBUTE VIDEO!

Shut up, Diddy.

MarvelComicsMJ

I wonder if Marvel Comics will kill off  Teddy Lingard, the Marvel Universe Michael Jackson (well, the only one I ever saw in any of their comics).  He appeared in DAZZLER #33, a THRILLER tribute issue and…

dazzler_33Yes, I just outed myself as comic book geek, what of it?

Finally, I just had to comment on Mr. Knowles wifey, Beyonce at the B.E.T. Awards.  Allegedly, she had revamped her initial number and turned it into a tribute to MJ.

GrannyShe did look hot but the vibe I got from her initially was more Norma Desmond in SUNSET BOULEVARD/Joan Crawford, 40s Film noir with a Esther Williams swimsuit on.  Then….

FameImGonnaLiveForeverShe really went nuckin’ futs!  A number of things ran through my mind:

  • She was supposed to wear that at her wedding AND honeymoon, Jay wasn’t having that and her moms, who you know made that damn thing, you just know she did, said “uh uh, you’re going to wear that…thing, SOMEWHERE!  I worked hard on that, chile!”  And here we are.
  • She was high.
  • She’s crazy.
  • She knows exactly what she’s doing (no, that’s actually pretty damn scary to think about)
  • She’s a diva and she’s not letting no King Of Pop ruin her night, dammit!
  • We were getting punk’d and she forgot to tell everybody afterwards
  • She was auditioning for the FAME remake and wasn’t going to take, “we’ve already filmed it” for an answer.
  • Producers were afraid tell Lil’ Wayne that his set wasn’t anywhere near being appropriate to pay respect to someone who had just died, so they asked Beyo to take one for the team and perform AVE MARIA, the one thing known to put Lil’ Wayne in a coma long enough for him to miss his number.

It ALMOST worked.

wayne