While everybody and their grandmoms going ape shyt over The History Channel’s very cheap publicity stunt of making The Devil look like President Obama
(and giving millions of idiot Tea Party people false validation in the process)
How about Episode 2 and Samson and Delilah y’all? Samson looking a lot like the late, not so great NBA player Robert “Tractor” Traylor in a Rasta dreadlock wig being turned out by that
white she-devilDelilah and running game on him by cutting his dreads and sapping his strength (Hmm, actually she did that before by breaking him off some and putting him to sleep, well, more like a coma, before she cut that hair)
Where was Take 6 warning harmonies back in the day and, more importantly, will they be on The History Channel’s The Bible soundtrack?
Also, if you had any doubts that The History Channel wasn’t sending out messages with the Obama/Devil thing before, the Samson/White Delilah segment should clear that all right up for ya.
Sigh. I’m not going say I TOLD YOU SO, again. Let’s just cut to the chase:
Well, I should say at the outset that Skip Gates is a friend, so I may be a little biased here. I don’t know all the facts. What’s been reported, though, is that the guy forgot his keys. He jimmied his way to get into the house. There was a report called into the police station that there might be a burglary taking place. so far so good. Right? I mean, if I was trying to jigger in — well, I guess this is my house now so it probably wouldn’t happen. Let’s say my old house in Chicago. here I’d get shot. But so far so good. They’re reporting, the police are doing what they should. There’s a call. They go investigate what happens. My understanding is at that point Professor Gates is already in his house. The police officer comes in. I’m sure there’s some exchange of words but my understanding is that Professor Gates then shows his I.D. to show that this is his house. And at that point he gets arrested for disorderly conduct, charges which are later dropped. Now, I don’t know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts what role race played in that, but I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry. Number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home and, number three, what I think we know separate and apart from this incident is that there is a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately. And that’s just a fact.–President Obama, last week answering the last question at the end of a prime-time press conference about something much more important that no one remembers because of the President’s reply to the last question. Doh (oh, it was health care, the purpose of the press conference was health care.)
I remember the last President who didn’t have all the right facts:
Well son of a b*tch, President Obama, I’m comparing you to THAT ONE. Jesus wept.
No, not having all the facts about your friend, Skip’s Big Arrest, can not even begin to compare to some of the last guy’s greatest “I didn’t know thats”. However, one would thnk that President Obama, more than anyone, should know by now that everyone hangs on to each of his words as if they were hanging on a cold, cold ledge on K2 and are ready to eat him up like catfish when there’s an opening in anything that he says.
Starting any sentence with “I don’t know all the facts” or “I may be a little biased here” would get me roasted in my own home, President Obama, you’re the Leader Of The Free F*ckin’ World! Come on, I knew that this wasn’t going to end well as soon as you said that.
We just went through 8 years of questionable comments and other ridiculous bulls*it, so, yeah, when you say a day later:
“I have to say I am surprised by the controversy surrounding my statement,” Obama said in an interview with ABC News, “because I think it was a pretty straightforward comment that you probably don’t need to handcuff a guy, a middle-aged man who uses a cane, who’s in his own home.”
You were surprised? Really? But you didn’t have all the facts! How else did you expect this to go? Sheesh, I could have gave you the facts about Skip being hauled down to the hoosegow.
It’s a new day in America, jack. Gone are the days when the President can even think about having U.S. troops invade Buffalo. New York. America. Really. (I ain’t making that up) and no one goes, “Dude, what the f*ck? You can’t invade, Buffalo! Detroit, on the other hand…”
Oh, well, once the genii was out the bottle…
- Police unions respectfully requested that the President reconsider his earlier comments demanded an apology
- Oprah’s sidekick, Gayle King says she was “surprised” by the President’s comments. Why is Gayle King even mentioned? Because her show was one of Skip Gates’ stops on his racial profile media tour.
- Tim Wise, the white guy who’s made a career out of saying the things that every black person with common sense already knows but since he’s white, he’s gets to go on TV and radio talk shows, to add the “Well, see, a white guy agrees with us” oomph factor to the discussion added his thoughts on the controversy
- The Cambridge PD came to the defense of their fellow officer, led by a very pissed off “Officer Friendly” and the black representatives of the letters L and K
The only thing that was missing from this mess was these two
Obviously, they are still on retainer to Joe Jackson, in seclusion following the Michael Jackson funeral. Don’t worry, fellas, you can still jump in and piss everybody off again once this bad boy begins to die down. You better hurry up, Skip and The Cop have been invited by The President to the White House to have a beer.
Nice. Skip has turned a already questionable racial incident (maybe Skip thought it was a raid, click HERE and scroll down to the second story to see what I’m reaching big time for, maybe getting at) into a media tour, upcoming PBS specials, a book deal and an potential FOX sitcom.
I don’t know about you, but for me, I don’t care if the President did invite me to the White House to do it, there is no way in hell I would go have a beer and make peace with some dude who I felt treated me and my civil liberties like s*it as if it was a disagreement over borrowed tools.
The President hopes that this “incident” would be a “teachable moment”
I have much better topics to discuss in class. But, hey, enjoy those beers, guys.
In a surprise move, the Republican National Committee has selected its candidate for the 2012 Presidential Race. Michael Steele, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, made the announcement at the Fox News-sponsored “Socialist Obama Must Be Stopped” rally in Savannah, Georgia. The rally, which had participants numbering in the dozens, included key Republican figures such as former Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin, commentators Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh, resident court Glenn Beck, and spokesghoul Ann Coulter.
The announcement began after Steele did a stirring rendition of “Dixie”, with Alan Keyes singing back-up. When Steele finished singing, he took to the podium with the news.
“Ladies and gentlemen, great people of the United States! You are all great Americans, and like you, I don’t like where the country is headed. We are on an unmistakable path towards socialism, and the American people were hoodwinked into voting for a celebrity to lead us! I have spoken with the leaders of the the Republican Party, including Boss of all Bosses, Rush Limbaugh, Emperor Dick Cheney, and the Dark Lord of Propaganda, Karl Rove. They have given me permission to agree with them on who best to wrest the control of the government from that Marxist Socialist Communist ni– er… Community Organizer in 2012! We came close with our stirring campaign with Palin/McCain, and all of the real Americans in the real parts of America have spoken. In order to take back control in 2012, we must act now! That’s why we, the Republican Party, the G.O.P., the Grand Old Party, are proud to announce our candidate for the Presidency of the United States. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce to you, the next President of the United States: Former President RONALD WILSON REAGAN!”
Demonic entity Patrick J. Buchanan released a puff of sulfuric smoke from his acid-encrusted lungs to express glee that the party is finally going to be led by a man of action. “Dead or alive, Ronald Reagan is the greatest president ever, and this country would be wise to select such a great man to take this country back from the hands of a certain uppity individual who still doesn’t know his place.” Sean Hannity requested a napkin and a cigarette in order to compose himself after his apparent excitement. Between sighs of orgasmic bliss, Sean noted that “Ronald Reagan is the single entity that brought down the great red menace of communism, and we know that he’s turning over in his grave. Not because our perverted alchemists are conducting their dark magic to bring Reagan back, but because the same menace that Reagan destroyed overseas is now a threat on our home soil. Obama is a socio-communist Marxist celebrity, and the very idea of Ronald Reagan at the helm makes me… anyone have another cigarette… and another napkin?”
Only Mike Huckabee expressed horror at what the Republican Party was suggesting. “Ladies and gentlemen, do you HEAR yourselves? Ronald Reagan has been dead since 2004! What you’re suggesting doesn’t sit right with me. Look, like you, I feel that the sun rises and sets on St. Ronald of Reagan’s ever-decaying corpse. But we can’t just… bring him back to life, can we? Are we supposed to just go to the Reagan Library and dig him up?”
The crowd began chanting “Dig, Baby Dig!! Dig, Baby, Dig!!”, led by Palin and Steele.
Huckabee, a former governor, interjected by asking about the Constitutional hurdles that a reanimated corpse of Reagan would have to address. “Ladies and gentlemen, Ronald Reagan was a two-term President, and by our Constitution, he can’t be elected again! How are we going to get around that?”
“Eh, that Constitution is nothing but a godd****ed piece of paper. There are ways around it. Trust me,” snarled Cheney. “Rove and my minions are already working on the Patriot Act III with our sleeper agent Nancy Pelosi. Before the President knows what hit him, he’ll be signing into legislation an amendment that allows for multiple-term Presidents, only if they have died previously. It has the appearance of a way to ‘honor’ the efforts of a past President.”
Huckabee continued to express his misgivings about raising a man from the dead for the sake of the Presidency. “I’m sorry, but I have to say it. What you’re suggesting is nothing short of an abomination before man and God. The man is dead. He served his country! Let him rest in peace.”
“Huckabee, your lack of faith is disappointing”, hissed Cheney. “We are the pro-life party. What better way to project the image of protecting the sanctity of life than saying that by bringing back the greatest President in history from the cold clutches of the Grim Reaper? We have been preparing for this moment since Reagan was in office, as samples of his DNA have been stored in a secret facility. Our team of scientists are on standby, and as soon as they receive Reagan’s dessicated corpse, they can do what they do best. We have a litany of black magic incantations from the Necronomicon in case things get a little hairy. If you have a problem with this, well, the Socialist Commie Democrats are always looking for new members.”
“Yeah, you tell ’em, Dark Master Cheney! You tell ’em! We gots this, bawss!!!”, Steele interjected.
Steele closed the rally with a prayer and a softshoe routine.
I can’t make s*it like this up. The Al Sharpton of activists groups is at it…again. This time, they’re calling out the President himself for dealing with a pesky housefly “The Chicago Way”:
“You buzz the President Of The United States, you gotta go.”
But these glorified ambulance/free pub chasers swooped in and started their ol’ whine n’ cry routine:
Peta spokesman Bruce Friedrich said: “We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals. We believe that people, where they can be compassionate, should be, for all animals.”
Cue The Carpenters:
Oh, shut up, PETA. The President took out a frackin’ fly, he didn’t go out a club a baby seal
I see what the “problem” is, the President trashed talked about it afterwards. He should have just pounded it and kept it moving like Dirk Nowitzki did:
I swear, you PETA assholes would probably get more respect if you didn’t spend so much time trying to work your way into high profile situations. I know that there’s a puppy mill out there that sure could use an assist from you fuc*ers, go handle that and quit fuc*in’ with people about killing a damn house fly, you puss-es.
Speaking of puppy mills, you have to bet that Mike Vick screamed out “OH COME ON” when NFL player Donte’ Stallworth got only 30 days for killing a man by hitting him with his car that he was driving while tipsy.
Stallworth, 28, received the sentence after pleading guilty to a DUI manslaughter charge for striking and killing Mario Reyes while driving drunk March 14 in his black 2005 Bentley. The athlete also reached a confidential financial settlement with the family of the 59-year-old construction worker.
Without the plea deal, the DUI manslaughter conviction could have netted Stallworth 15 years in prison. After his release from jail, he must serve two years of house arrest and spend eight years on probation. The house arrest provisions will allow him to resume his football career, his attorney said.
Whoa. That’s deep. Every black man on the planet probably asked the same question: “Who is this new Johnny Cochran?”
Stallworth’s attorney, Christopher Lyons, said the financial settlement was only one factor in the plea agreement. He noted that Stallworth stopped immediately after the accident, called 911 and submitted to roadside alcohol testing despite spending most of the night drinking at a swanky Miami Beach hotel.
After a night drinking at a bar in Miami Beach’s Fountainebleau hotel, police said Stallworth hit Reyes, a construction crane operator who was rushing to catch a bus after finishing his shift around 7:15 a.m. Stallworth told police he flashed his lights in an attempt to warn Reyes, who was not in a crosswalk when he was struck.
Stallworth had a blood-alcohol level of .126 after the crash, well above Florida’s .08 limit. Stallworth stopped after the crash and immediately told officers he had hit Reyes. Police estimated Stallworth was driving about 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
“He acted like a man,” Lyons said. “He remained at the scene. He cooperated fully.”
You tell’em, son! That’s some mighty fine lawyerball you playin’ there, boy!
Miami-Dade State Attorney Katherine Fernandez Rundle echoed Lyons in citing Stallworth’s lack of previous criminal record, cooperation and willingness to accept responsibility as factors in the plea deal. Rundle also said the Reyes family—particularly the victim’s 15-year-old daughter—wanted the case resolved to avoid any more pain.
“For all of these reasons, a just resolution of this case has been reached,” Rundle said.
Now OJ sitting in jail, mad when he probably could have plea bargained his way out of some jail time had he had Christopher Lyons for his lawyer.
Seriously, this is just another example of how the green:
If you got enough of the green and if you don’t catch the ire of the likes of PETA.
Don’t you let PETA hear you saying that, ain’t that right, Fantasia?
Where’s your outrage over this, PETA? People are animals, too!
And here’s a toast to LA Laker Fan for being opportunistic and going on a looting spree in this economy.
That’ll show that fly-killing President that we shall be heard. You stay classy, L.A.
Ned: [looks out his bedroom window and sees the entire neighborhood is flooded] What the flood?! Maude, it’s a miracle! The Lord has drowned the wicked and spared the righteous.
Maude: [gasps] Isn’t that Homer Simpson?
Ned: [rolling eyes] Looks like Heaven’s easier to get into than Arizona State.
Back in April, it was reported that Chug-A-Lug State Arizona State University,
that Mecca of Gettin’ Yo’ Ass Out An’ Gettin’ Yo’ Partay On, Y’all, Heyyyy
Ahem…Higher Education, would not be giving an honorary degree to the President when he gave a speech at their Spring Commencement Ceremony, that took place yesterday.
After I heard about this, I had to laugh. Having lived in “The Valley” in the late 80s until 2002, I can remember spending some time on the lovely ASU campus in downtown Tempe and, baby, let me tell you, that rep the school is a Party School, isn’t a fabrication. More like intoxication (see what I did there?)
Sure the ASU powers that be don’t want to their campus to be known as Ground Zero for shakin’ dat ass. But we all know how hard it is to shake a bad rep, ain’t that right Mike Vick?
Now that I think about it, I don’t think that Arizona State gave Cuba Gooding, Jr. an honorary degree for his Oscar winning performance as Arizona Cardinal wide receiver and ASU alum Rod Tidwell in JERRY MAGUIRE (although I suspect that his roles in SNOW DOGS and BOAT TRIP may have something to do with that) but the President can’t get an honorary degree from ASU? That ain’t right, yo.Since that story broke, ASU caught…hell (Sun Devil…Hell…see what I did there? I’m on a..HOT STREAK…hahahaha) and instantly went into damage control mode. Something that they shouldn’t had to do if someone in the ASU Admin Dept. hadn’t open their big fat trap in the first place.
Why are you even sitting around deciding when is a good time to give someone an award or a degree based on what he’s done already? Are their people out there who want to get their awards they gave to George “Dubya” Bush or Bill Clinton, for that matter, back? Are these people saying that they should have waited to see what they were going to do before bestowing them with any honors when they first arrived in office? Would this even be an issue if it were any other President? I’ve never heard of anything like this before now. But some Party School is going to all of a sudden get holier than thou with their honorary degrees??? Really? GTFO Arizona State with your nonsense.
No matter, because the President, being the cool ass American he is, didn’t even let that bulls*it phase him one bit. He even had jokes:
Now, before I begin, I’d like to clear the air about that little controversy everyone was talking about a few weeks back. I have to tell you, I really thought it was much ado about nothing, although I think we all learned an important lesson. I learned to never again pick another team over the Sun Devils in my NCAA bracket. And your university President and Board of Regents will soon learn all about being audited by the IRS.
Tee hee, IRS Tax Audit jokes slay me.
Then President Obama took the negative and turned it into another opportunity to show fools that he ain’t the one to come at with the crazy while giving Good Speech®
In all seriousness, I come here not to dispute the suggestion that I haven’t yet achieved enough in my life. I come to embrace it; to heartily concur; to affirm that one’s title, even a title like President, says very little about how well one’s life has been led – and that no matter how much you’ve done, or how successful you’ve been, there’s always more to do, more to learn, more to achieve.
And I want to say to you today, graduates, that despite having achieved a remarkable milestone, one that you and your families are rightfully proud of, you too cannot rest on your laurels. Your body of work is yet to come.
Once again, the President has shown that he isn’t afraid to tackle anything thrown his way and he’s handle that, thus far, with wit and wisdom and an gracefulness that hasn’t been seen in the Presidency in quite some time.
Which is a good thing to have because he’s gonna need that and then some for his next graduation speech at Notre Dame:
And then there is the Naval Academy, where there’s bound to be protesting in regards to the releasing (and recent un-releasing of) those Torture pictures and the effect that may/may not have on troops currently fighting in the Middle East.
Man, it’s gonna be a long four years.
I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings–Maya Angelou
So do I, because It’s Scared It’s Going To Be Grilled And Become Part Of A Oprah Coupon Free KFC 2-Piece Meal.
I don’t think that Rod Serling could have imagined this s*it.
When Barack Obama became the President Of The United States, I knew that we were entering an new era in America. The Sun would start shining again. You wouldn’t automatically duck if somebody said “Look, there’s an American,” in a crowed room. You could feel good about yourself once again. Even Uncle Ben got a new job:
Of all the things that I thought would occur, it never crossed my mind that folks would start coming out the closet and start doing the Running Man and busting out the RoboCop over Fried Chicken.
Seriously. I know that Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream that included black folks dancing for KFC Chicken. Jesus wept. Take what little money you have left in your 401k and buy as much KFC and Popeye’s stock as you can!
It all started after the election with the first of the Obama Fried Chicken joints
Hell, I expected this, everybody expected this. You just KNEW that somebody was going to go there. You KNEW that someone was going to be THAT fool. “We got a black man in the White House now, time to make the chicken wings!”
Then came Earth Day.
The masterminds over at Popeye’s Corporate had a thought, “What is the first thing you think of when you think of saving the Environment? Reducing burning coal emissions? Switching from fossil fuel to natural gas? Driving a hybrid car? Ooh, I know, A $4.99 8-piece Special!”
You know, there are some days I just don’t want to get out of bed. This was one of those days.
I didn’t even know that there were this many black people in Minnesota. Nobody knew that there were that many black people in Minnesota. Just Kirby Puckett (R.I.P.), Chuck Foreman and Prince. Yet, somebody says “Popeye’s having a 8-piece special” and it’s like somebody left a bag of crack and half a bottle of Jack Daniels on the kitchen table at Dr. Drew’s Sober House and when Gary Busey and Rodney King got a hold of the stuff, it turned out to be a bag of sugar cubes and half a bottle of Earl Grey tea. Hell, yes, people are mad and tempers are flaring.
Negroes came out of Witness Protection (seriously how can you explain this many black folks in Minnesota?) and drove in from all over the state to get them some on sale chicken and when they get there, Popeye’s ain’t even running the sale? Do you know how hard it is to drive around 10,000 lakes? Do you know how hard it is to get a decently fried drumstick this close to Fargo? And you don’t even have a frackin’ sale? Damn, damn, damn! This is a outrage, I’m calling my Minnesota Senator….oh, right.
Well, when they finally get a Senator, that phone will be a ringing with some outraged Minnesotans(?) Um, can I get a 10-piece while I’m here?
Now The Mighty Oprah is getting in on Chicken Mania:
The Oprah Winfrey Show/Kentucky Grilled Chicken Two-Piece Meal Coupon
Get two pieces of grilled chicken, two individual sides and a biscuit!
Limited Time Download
Coupon download available from 9 a.m. CDT on May 5, 2009, to 9:59 p.m. CDT on May 6, 2009. Coupon is redeemable at participating KFC® locations in the United States from May 5, 2009 to May 19, 2009—excluding Mother’s Day, May 10, 2009.
Go to UnthinKFC.com and download your coupon!
Due to heavy demand, you may experience some slowness navigating to the website. Please be patient and try again later.
Heavy demand is right. Those chicken craving fiends from Minneapolis-St. Paul will probably force the website to shut down.
I knew the economy was bad, but Oprah has gone from giving away cars (Pontiacs if I recall. Now Pontiac is gone, thanks, Oprah, thanks for NOTHING!)
to pimping 2 piece grilled chicken meals? You get a wing! You get a wing! Yooou get a wing!!!!!
“It’s all about the joy that I can give to you all…sponsored of course so that not a single dime comes up out of my pocket. Yes, that means, you will be paying the taxes on that meal. BON APPETITE!”
Wait, excluding Mother’s Day? The Oprah Grilled Chicken Coupons aren’t valid on Black America’s Cinco De Mayo? Those gutless bastards! How did they know that’s what I was gonna get Mom? Since Oprah and KFC are putting restrictions on Mother’s Day gifts, I have to go to plan B.
I can just hop into the Wayback Machine, go to 1935 and get her that vintage stove she’s always wanted:
What the hell? Say…that looks familiar…where have I seen a smiling Negro holding a drumstick recently?
Clutch the pearls!
Interesting, they were using Coonin’ Negroes and Chicken to sell products back in the day. And they’re doing the same thing in the 21st Century? I am depressed. Two steps forwards, three steps back.
This is the kind of mess that Bill Cosby was talking about! Black people are soooo pitiful! Why you would never see Bill Cosby dancing and singing about something like fried chicken. Hells no!
Today’s topic, Self-Destruction:
Last night, President Obama made history by doing what no acting President has ever done, gone on a late night talk show to yuk it up and show the Free World that, “hey, I’m one of you, I’m a nice guy”.
Let’s ignore the fact that most of us would never get an invite to The Tonight Show to just shoot the bull with Jay, I think the President pretty much showed that, yeah, he’s just about as human as the rest of us, even with his Ivy League education and that other fancy book learning when he put his foot right into his mouth:
Towards the end of his approximately 40-minute appearance, the president talked about how he’s gotten better at bowling and has been practicing in the White House bowling alley.
He bowled a 129, the president said.
“That’s very good, Mr. President,” Leno said sarcastically.
It’s “like the Special Olympics or something,” the president said.
Vodpod videos no longer available.
Oh yeah he did.
After all the people back at the White House who said that letting President Obama go commando without his trusty teleprompter
is like letting Kanye West grab the mic without turning on his vocoder
Or just letting Kanye sing at all. Sheesh. Anyway….
After all the I-TOLD-YOU-SO’s finished high fiving one another and collecting their winnings from the “The President Says Something Controversial” bet, the White House went into damage control:
Almost immediately after the programme aired, the White House issued a contrite statement.
Press spokesman Bill Burton said: “The president made an off-hand remark making fun of his own bowling that was in no way intended to disparage the Special Olympics.”
Mr Obama, he added, “thinks the Special Olympics is a wonderful program that gives an opportunity for people with disabilities around the world.”
I thought it was a great interview, the President was open, honest, funny and cool. But by the end of the day, nobody will be talking about that.
I know that the President didn’t mean any harm and the vast majority of America knows that the President didn’t mean any harm by what he said. But these dudes:
They are gonna eat his ass up like fried catfish.
You can check out the comment on You Tube (before NBC takes it down…man, don’t get me started)